Page 81 of Let the Light Shine Through

“I think I’m gonna head into town actually.”

“Good idea.”

Rowdy’s comeback lacks any real heat. He’s all smoke—like a hint, not a warning. I don’t take any offense; I just want to know why. What’s he hinting at? Because whatever’s got Gia scared, Rowdy knows about it—I can feel it—but he’s keeping his bestie’s secret.

“No, it’s not,” Gia tells her loyal friend, leveling a glare on him before turning it on me to say, “No, you’re not. Now, let’s go fill up on coffee that’ll keep us awake until tomorrow, so everyone can fuck like rabbits tonight.”

“Too late. This entire house already reeks of sex.”

My hands reflexively grip Gia’s hips still situated on mine, even as she twists to face Rowdy. She’s with me tonight, too. I don’t give a fuck. The only way that box of condoms of hers is getting opened is if she’s using them with me, nobody else.

“Damn, I missed everything. Who hooked up?” she asks, and Rowdy starts listing names I couldn’t care less about, so I zone out.

“You didn’t tell him, did you?” he stops to ask, and Gia looks down at me, popping an eyebrow.

“You get one of the twins today.”

Twins? Is she still trying to shove women in my face?

“You sure he can even handle that?”

Gia cocks her head to the side, acting like she isn’t already fully aware what I’m capable of, and replies to Rowdy, saying, “I guess we’ll find out.”

My hands shake like leaves caught in a biting fall breeze. I should’ve never drunk the coffee. The name of it has the word death in it. Literally, death. Gia wasn’t exaggerating when she said we’d be up for the next couple days. It’s like I can feel each individual blood vessel rushing through my veins. Every part of me is fucking jacked up right now, and if I was still boarding, I’d be fit to last all day with no breaks from just one cup of the stuff. It’s from a local company that claims to have made the strongest coffee in the world and I’ve tried enough coffee from enough places to confirm they absolutely nailed it. Jesus Christ.

Oh, and the twins I get to pick from, they’re four-wheelers. Rowdy owns a pair of identical Yamaha YFZs, and according to Gia, he’s letting me ride one for this little group outing.

On my way out to the parking lot where the four-wheelers are, I pass a pole with ten or so wood pieces of various lengths nailed to it. Each one has a different name of a high peak carved into it with an arrow pointing to its general vicinity. New York has three main mountain ranges but a shit ton of peaks within each of them. I’m not sure why the owners even bothered with the handmade sign honestly, but if I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably a way for them to brag about the ones they’ve hiked. A notch-on-the-belt kind of thing.

Salvy and I did something like that, too…when we were eleven. Once I got more serious and my numbers hit double digits, I sorta lost track. Not that the places I scaled didn’t mean anything anymore; it’s just that after a while, I was moving too fast to fully appreciate each specific experience for what it was. I snowboarded. Period. That’s just what I did, then what we did, me and Salvy, together. The two of us. Our jobs. Our careers. Our passions. Our lives.

Then in the blink of an eye, it was just mine again. My job. My career. My passion. My life.

And now…

The passion went first, followed by the dream career linked to the job I never really saw it as, then I guess the life part just kind of slipped away unannounced somewhere in the fallout afterward.

I never meant to tie my life to Salvy’s. I thought that’s what he wanted, too. It made everything more tolerable, more enjoyable—having a partner for what can be a very isolated lifestyle. I was always on the road, away from home—the only home I’d ever known—away from friends. But the things Gia said this morning, I’m wondering if maybe I did. We were best friends and Salvy did love snowboarding, that much I do know. As far as how much pressure I put on the two, I’m not sure.

He would’ve loved this though. Salvy would’ve eaten this shit up with a spoon in each hand. Whereas I was content having one solid friendship in my life, Salvy was always down to add new people to our circle.

If I could do it all over again, I’d ease up on both. Both the expectations from Salvy and of him. Looking back, I could’ve been suffocating him just as easily as the avalanche that took him out.

Hindsight, man, it’s fucking brutal.

“Hey. I’m Bryce.”

A scrawny guy that reminds me of a teen trying to hang out with his older brother’s friends saddles up next to me, introducing himself. This has been happening since we left the room. Gia is refusing to acknowledge me now that she’s off my dick, but every other person here is happy to chat me up this morning.

What’s in that coffee?

I fit my hand to his, giving it a firm shake and telling him, “Roz.”

He was here last night, too, but we didn’t get a chance to meet. We couldn’t because Gia practically tackled him to the floor when he arrived, then proceeded to sit on him for a solid hour, catching up. I hated him for that hour, but he kept his hands where I could see them, so I let it go.

His gaze touches on Gia and mine follows. She’s talking with another attendee I don’t care to meet, but probably will. There’s about twenty or so people participating in today’s bonding exercise, which is about twenty too many.

“So, you’re here with Gia?”