Page 85 of Changing Lanes

A few minutes of heavy silence later, Caleb speaks as he walks past Nick, smacking the back of his head—I’m sad to report it’s not as satisfying as I’d hoped. “She’s right, it’s our baby sister’s twenty-first birthday. We came here for a reason. Let’s remember that and fuck the rest. Today we celebrate Paige and smooth things over as best we can. We’ll deal with everything else later.”

Jesse glowers at me one last time before he joins the other two as I’m left watching from the goddamn sidelines yet again.

One thing I do know is whoever dropped the weather report also failed to inform me that today is her actual birthday.

Fuck.

* * *

Coming out of the bathroom later that night, I catch Paige darting across the hall from her room into mine and I smile.

“Lost again?” I tease as she burrows into my covers without even bothering to look sorry.

Paige rejoined the party-that-definitely-wasn’t-a-party with her brothers in tow and stayed tucked safely between them the rest of the night. Each brother took turns spending time with her and as much as I hated it, I also appreciated it…for her. She needs her brothers. If she hadn’t already said it herself, you could tell just by watching them together. Which I did. All fucking night. I watched as she drank and laughed and loosened up, having a genuinely good time that I don’t think even she knew she was capable of. It made for a shit time for me but it also allowed me to come up with a plan of action for a few ideas I’ve had swirling around in my head.

I was hoping she’d already be asleep so I could get away for a bit but with her sleeping next to me, I doubt I’ll be able to slip out unnoticed.

“No, that’s cool. Make yourself at home in my bed.” I toss a pillow at her, making her chuckle. “I’m going to sleep on the couch though. My back’s messed up from that four-wheeler today.” That part’s true at least. Shit fell off the ramp partway up the trailer and I had to jump in to help Marc lift the fucking thing the rest of the way.

If Paige notices the lie about the couch, she doesn’t say anything, only frowns as I turn out the lights and leave the room. It takes a lot of effort but I know I need to now or I won’t be able to.

Spread out on the cool leather couch, I think over the last week while I wait for her to pass out. My nightmares were increasing and I was waking up bloody more days than not until a couple days ago. Until Paige started showing up in my bed. She’s like my own personal dream catcher. Thankfully she doesn’t know the full extent of them. Although, Marc did act a little weird when the subject came up earlier. He wouldn’t have told her though.

Maybe he knows something I don’t.

I snort to myself.

He’s known more than me this whole time. Motherfucker’s been keeping plenty of shit close to the chest lately. Except for the tidbit about overhearing me and Paige this morning—oh, he was all too happy to share that information. Funny how that works. If I didn’t love the guy so much, I’d hate him right about now.

“I’m sorry.”

Paige interrupts my thoughts, damn near scaring the shit out of me in the process, before she straddles my stomach and looks down at me seriously.

Frozen from the contact, it takes me a minute to figure out what she said.

“Uh, for what?”

“I could’ve been more upfront about my family. At least about my brothers. They’ve just always been around so I never had to explain who they were to anyone. This year’s been…different.”

Guilt eats a hole through my stomach like a hungry caterpillar.

Using Paige’s thighs, I push her down until her groin is in line with mine making things a bit more comfortable. She lies down across my chest and I drop my chin to her head. I can still smell the peaches from her shower this morning mixed with a tang from the alcohol she consumed, too. Not riding her motorcycle for several days has almost eliminated the usual smokiness and I realize I actually miss it. Without it her smell is just soft and sweet. Like how she tasted this morning but not exactly how I’d describe her overall. She’s caring yet gritty. Tender but edgy. She’s a tough exterior guarding a delicate heart.

“My mom left when I was ten.” There’s a roughness to my voice I wish I could rid but can’t. “She wrote a note telling my dad that she was leaving one day and never returned. She ran away to be with another dude. So fucking cliché, right?”

Paige doesn’t move a muscle, so pretending she’s asleep, I continue. “I wanted her to come back more than anything. I hoped and prayed and wrote letters to her, to Santa, just begging for her return. I didn’t even care if she stayed. I would’ve gone anywhere she wanted, been anyone she wanted, as long as I could see her again.”

“Did she ever come back?”

Throat clogged, I shake my head.

“I’m sorry.”

And there it is. The pity born from pure helplessness.

“Don’t be,” I bite out.

Paige lifts her head, staring into my eyes. “No, not for her. She doesn’t deserve someone else apologizing away her actions. She owes that to you herself. For now, you don’t need it.”