Page 67 of Every Time We Touch

“Could have fooled me.” Lauren lets Juan drape an arm around her shoulders.

I try to cling on to Marcy’s words. This is my family and they love me. But what if this is too much? What if I’m pushing them too far with this? And while I don’t question Clancy’s integrity, I have to consider what Lauren just asked me. Is she worth this?

“How long has this been going on?” Austin asks, his tone, mercifully, much softer than Lauren’s.

“A few weeks.” My stomach coils itself into knots. I rub my sweaty palms on my jeans.

“I can’t do this.” Lauren shrugs out of Juan’s embrace. “I can’t wrap my head around the fact that you’ve been sleeping with Clancy. It’s so gross.” She spits out the last word. “Fuck this. I’m going home.” Her furious gaze lands on me. “You’d better come to your senses and end it with her if you want to see me again.”

“Lauren, come on,” Heather says.

“What?” Lauren towers over Heather now. “I’m the bad guy now? I don’t think so.” With that, she stomps off.

Heather turns to me. “She’ll come around.”

“You must really be smitten,” Juan says. “This is some next-level drama.” He gives a low whistle. “I’m not used to that from the St Jameses.”

“Fuck.” I crash against the back of my chair, tears stinging behind my eyes.

“Hey.” Austin walks up to me and crouches next to my chair. “You just dropped a bomb on us, and we need some time to process,” he says. “But, um, yeah. Lauren’s gonna Lauren.”

“Trust me,” Juan says, “coming from where I do”—he sends me a warm smile—“and having volunteered at the LGBT Center for decades, I can assure you that there are far worse things you can do to a family member than this.”

While I appreciate him trying to put things in perspective, it doesn’t change how mortified I feel. It doesn’t change how I humiliated my father. It doesn’t change that Lauren hates me right now—and might do so for a good long while to come.

Austin pats my knee. “Us gays have a much higher tolerance for messy matters of the heart,” he says.

I put my hand over my little brother’s, just to feel his touch—to feel more human again.

“It’s really a thing, then? You and Clancy?” he asks.

“I’m so in love with her,” I say. “I tried to end it, but… I can’t. She’s…” A tear runs down my cheek now. I can’t complete my sentence because of the lump in my throat.

“Does Mom know?” Austin asks.

I nod, while wondering whether this is the full extent of my siblings’ outrage or just the beginning—and the worst is yet to come.

“I haven’t spoken to her properly since,” I manage to say, while keeping more tears at bay. I’m not the one who deserves to fall apart here. “She’s busy and…”

“Talk to Mom,” Austin says. “Please.” He squeezes my knee. “I’ll check in with Dad. And I’ll talk to Lauren once she has calmed down.”

“Thanks.” I hold on to his hand for a moment longer, then let go. “For being so understanding.”

“That’s what a gay little brother is for.” He pushes himself up. “Do you want us to stay?” he asks.

“I’ll stay with Jen,” Heather says.

My legs wobbly, I push myself up and hug my brother and Juan goodbye.

“I’ve never seen you like this,” Heather says when it’s just the two of us.

“Thank fuck for that,” I say, needing the release. “I never had the hots for Abby, so.”

Heather and I share a brief but much-needed chuckle. Just the fact that she’s still here gives me a glimmer of hope that me falling in love with Clancy won’t destroy my family—although the jury’s still very much out on that.

Chapter 36

Clancy