Page 56 of Every Time We Touch

“I hear you, I really do.” I try to calm her down by stroking her hair. “But don’t get too carried away. Don’t catastrophize.”

Jen slowly expels the air from her lungs. Then I feel her chin bump against my chest as she nods. “Okay,” is all she says.

I wish I could look inside her head and read her thoughts. I wish there was a way for me to make this easier for her, but she’s the only one who can do what she has to do. For us.

Chapter 31

Jen

“Hi, honey.” Dad holds me by the shoulders, then kisses me on the cheek. “Ditching work again?”

If only I’d shown up to his house on a Monday afternoon to ask for his fatherly advice—and do some more bitching—about work.

My heart hammers in my chest. If I hadn’t come today, I’m not sure I’d have ever been able to drum up the courage again. I keep Clancy at the forefront of my mind so it remains crystal clear to me why I’m doing this. Why I’m destroying my dad’s image of me forever.

“Are you okay, Jenny?” he asks as he ushers me into the living room.

I sit in the armchair I’ve sat in a thousand times before, but it offers me no comfort.

“I’m not okay, Dad,” I say.

“What’s going on?” He puts his elbows on his knees and scans my face.

I cast my gaze down. “I don’t know how to tell you this.” I barely got any sleep last night, trying to find the right words. I couldn’t, because they simply don’t exist.

“Take your time, sweetheart.” His voice is too gentle.

I clear my throat. “I, um, have been seeing someone.” I rub my palms on my jeans. I’m suddenly pretty sure I don’t want to do this any longer. But there is no other solution. If I want to be with Clancy, I need to tell my dad. It can’t wait. Or can it? Should I talk to my mom first? With Clancy showing up, I never called her back last night. I only texted to tell her I was okay. My mom’s not one to push. Why didn’t she? She should have called me this morning. She should have talked me out of this.

“Jen?” Dad’s maddeningly sweet voice pulls me from my thought spiral. “Isn’t that good news?”

“Yes,” I say instinctively. “And also no.”

“Why?” His eyebrows knit together.

“Because…” I examine my hands. I wring my fingers. I take a breath. I should be proud to say her name out loud but, instead, I only feel shame. “It’s Clancy.”

The silence that follows is the loudest thing I’ve ever heard. At the very least, I owe my dad a glance, but I can’t look at him. I just want to get out of here, but I can’t do that either. This is the choice I made.

“Is this some sort of twisted joke you kids cooked up?” There’s no kindness in his voice now. “Because if so, it’s not funny.”

“I’m so sorry, Dad.” Surely, everything about my body language screams I’m deadly serious. “I tried to stop it. I really did, but…”

“But what?” His voice is tight with barely suppressed anger.

“I’m in love with her.”

He scoffs but doesn’t say anything.

When I finally glance at him, his eyes are watery, and his face slowly crumples before me.

“No.” He shakes his head. “I am in love with her.” He states it like it’s the most irrefutable law of nature. “I went to see her only a few days ago to…” He falls silent. His eyes narrow. “Is she in love with you?” His voice is as small as I’ve ever heard it, no trace of anger left.

I nod while swallowing a big fat lump out of my throat.

“How long?” He goes rigid, his hands motionless in his lap.

“Long enough to know that it’s serious.” Serious enough to put you through this.