Page 43 of Every Time We Touch

“Definitely not enough.” Her smile widens. “But every single second of being awake was worth it.” She no longer has that defeated expression from last night. Did she dream up a magical solution for us in the night? She reaches for my hand and takes it in hers. “Last night was amazing, Jen.” She shakes her head, as if she can’t believe exactly how amazing. “I know we can’t really be together, but…”

Never has the word ‘but’ filled my heart with more hope.

“What if we don’t tell anyone? If it’s just our thing. Something we keep between us.”

“Like a secret affair?” My heart deflates quickly, leaving no trace of hope.

“Why not?” It shows that Clancy didn’t get a lot of sleep. She can’t think straight.

“Because… he’s my dad. It was already so difficult to spend time with him after that kiss.”

“Eric’s a big boy. He’ll get over me soon enough.” Clancy sounds plenty feisty, but she’s not the one who has to face her family. “Besides, it’s not an affair. We’re not cheating. It would be more like… a clandestine relationship.” She places my hand on her belly. “I can’t let you walk away, Jen. I just can’t do it. I need to see you again.”

“I don’t think you’ve thought this through.” My argument is feeble, perfectly reflecting how I feel.

“Of course I haven’t, but we can’t overthink this.” She puts her hand over mine. “Don’t you feel it?” Her tone is confident, as though she knows exactly how I feel.

“I do.” Maybe I should lie—maybe Clancy’s the person I should be lying to instead of my family. But I can’t lie about how I feel. It’s probably visible all over my face—and my body could hardly lie last night. “But… I⁠—”

“I know.” She tightens her hold on my hand. “We don’t have a lot of time right now, but can I see you tonight? No matter how late. Let’s just go about our day and get together again tonight. See how we feel then.”

What day is it? What are my plans for tonight? I usually have a handle on my calendar, but my brain is so suffused with all things Clancy, she’s all I can think about. “Okay.” Whatever I have planned will need to be rescheduled. Unless I change my mind during the course of the day.

Clancy’s mouth curves into the most dazzling smile. “Great.” She leans in and kisses me softly on the lips, then pulls back. “When I set my alarm, I calculated time for this as well.” She kisses me again, her tongue slipping into my mouth this time, before retreating again, and trailing the tip of her tongue to my ear. “Because I need to fuck you one more time before you go.”

And she does.

Chapter 24

Clancy

Even though Eric and I didn’t date that long, we’d already established some habits, like lunch together every Thursday. This particular Thursday, after my last morning class, Eric is the last thing on my mind, until he shows up at the studio.

My first thought is that Jen has already told him. My stomach is ready to fold in on itself, because that’s not a confrontation I’m looking forward to. But there’s nothing angry about Eric’s body language. If anything, he’s his usual suave self, although, perhaps, with a touch of bashfulness about him.

“Sorry to turn up like this,” he says, keeping a respectful distance. “I just wanted to, um, ask you something in person and, well, I figured you’re still free on Thursdays.” There’s no mistaking that twinge of sadness in his voice, though.

Unsure of what to do with myself, I just stand there, shuffling from one foot to the other, as though doing a dance I don’t know the steps to.

“Come in.” As though it’s him I’m contemplating having a clandestine relationship with—did I really say that to Jen?—I walk us into my office, away from prying eyes, even though there’s no one else here.

I didn’t think I’d be seeing Eric again any time soon, which perhaps made it too easy for me to suggest more than one night to Jen. But she’s still the one who texted me first. Although I understand now how excruciating it is to sit across from him after the night we just had.

“You look a little tired,” Eric says.

I just nod. I can hardly tell him the reason I barely slept. I could lie and say I had a bad night, but I can’t even do that.

“Look, um, Clance, I—” He rubs his beard. “I know what you said and I respect that, of course.”

What did I say? I assume he’s referring to our breakup conversation.

“I was just wondering if it’s something I said or did. Something I can… work on, so that, um—” He looks me in the eye. Jen takes after her mother in most physical aspects, but she has her father’s eyes. This is a mind-fuck if ever there was one. “Maybe you would consider giving me a second chance.”

What it must have taken him to come here and tell me this. The only motivation for Eric to turn up here and ask me this question is that he has genuine feelings for me. Damn it.

“I’m sorry.” Try as I might, I can’t look him in the eye. “It’s not something you did or said.” Here we go. “It’s not you. It’s me.” I never thought sleeping with his daughter would make me sound like such an utter cliché.

“Is it the age gap?” He nods, as though that can be the only possible explanation.