Page 30 of Every Time We Touch

I nod as we head into the backyard with a bottle of white wine.

“I was genuinely willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she’s dumped Dad already.” Heather sinks into a chair. “Although, maybe, well, she was a little out of his league.”

I don’t know how to react so I pour us both a glass of wine as slowly as possible.

“You had a lesson with her this week, didn’t you?” Heather greedily reaches for her wine. “Did she say anything?”

Oh, fucking fuck. This is my twin. The one person in the world I find it impossible to keep a secret from. But I have no choice. I have to lie to her again, just like I did when I bumped into Clancy on Marcy’s dating app. I guess she’ll be reactivating her profile—if she ever got to deleting it.

“No.” I try and hide behind my glass, but it’s too tiny for that purpose.

“What’s with you?” Heather asks. “You’re all… I don’t know. Demure and mousy. What’s up?”

“Demure and mousy?” I scoff. “What’s up with you for calling me that?”

“It’s me, Jen,” Heather says—and that kind of says it all.

“It’s over between Dad and Clancy. It was never meant to be. Let’s just move on.” Never have I wanted to down an entire glass of wine more than in this moment.

“But she’s still your dance teacher.” Heather’s not ready to move on. I understand. This is our father.

“I’m not taking classes with Clancy anymore.” I try to keep my voice as level as possible.

“Really? Because she dumped Dad?” I knew Heather would jump to conclusions—I know her as well as she knows me.

Instead of coming up with another lie, I think it better to nudge my siblings into their own conclusion about this, starting with Heather. I nod.

“I thought you liked your tango lessons?” Heather narrows her eyes.

“Yeah, but now it’s awkward and I was really only doing it to get to know her better for Dad’s sake. I don’t need to do that anymore now.” My heart pitter-patters in my chest. Not only because I’m flagrantly lying to my twin, but even more so because I haven’t been able to put that kiss behind me. “How are the kids?” I ask.

“How are the kids?” Heather puts her glass down. “Really?”

“Yeah.” I can’t look her in the eye. I just can’t. “How are my favorite nephews?”

“Jen, what the fuck?” She arches up an eyebrow. “What’s with this weird vibe?”

“Just, um, some stuff at work.” I try to look at her, but my gaze skitters away again. “Still thinking of selling the app.”

“Just sell your goddamn app already. If it’s making you this miserable.”

“Harsh, much?” I wriggle my foot free from my slipper and push my big toe against her shin.

“That’s what twins are for.”

I let my head fall against the backrest of my chair and exhale dramatically. I haven’t thought about selling my business that much since Wednesday afternoon. All I’ve been able to think about is Clancy’s lips on mine and that exquisite agony of doing something that felt so good and made me feel so bad at the same time.

A silence falls and, for a few seconds, I allow myself to ponder the consequences of telling Heather. She would keep my secret, that much I know, but I think she would also be utterly appalled. In some cases, it’s best to assume the worst. Before she arrived, I tried to imagine my own reaction if she were to tell me that she’d kissed Clancy, but the comparison didn’t work—or my imagination wasn’t strong enough. My brain just couldn’t go there.

When I first read Dad’s message, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Because whether things would have lasted with him and Clancy or not, I am responsible for her dumping him now. I kissed her.

I take another sip of wine. I don’t know what’s worse: that I kissed my dad’s girlfriend or that I can’t see her again. Because I did kiss her—we kissed each other—for a reason. I’m not a lose-control-like-that kind of person. And sure, Clancy is hot as hell, but I do have enough of a moral compass to resist her. But there’s a pull between us that I can’t explain—and was unable to fight.

“Earth to Jen.” Heather bumps her foot against my leg now. “Whatever’s going on,” she says. “You can talk to me.”

“Thanks.” I can’t talk to her about this. I don’t even want to talk about Clancy. I need to forget she exists. “I’m fine. I mean, not totally, but I will be soon.”

Even my sister knows when to stop pushing. If only whatever this is would do the same.