Page 55 of Pucking Good Girl

The truth would come out in all its ugly glory, and Tucker and Dad would end up on trial for murder.

They can barely stomach the idea of me dating anyone. Imagine their reaction if they knew that I’m seeing both Shayba brothers.

Telling them that I want them both and that I was stupid enough to fall for both of them wouldn’t change their reaction. They keep treating me like someone incapable of making her own choices. They would assume that Macklin and Becks are taking advantage of me and resort to violence.

As if the universe were in agreement with my assessment of the situation, it starts raining harder.

I run a list of everyone I know in town who could offer me a couch to crash on tonight and come up empty.

Of course, there are always the few hotels that remain open all year, but those are completely out of my price range. B&Bs and Airbnbs aren’t an option either because, like Sam’s mom, most of those small businesses rent their rooms to students or long-term occupants during the winter months. And again, California is an expensive place to live, and the state of my bank account is more depressing than ever. Without the generous tips that come from the summer tourists—and with the small amount of shifts I can take because of my class schedule—my bartending job earns me just enough to feed and clothe myself.

My only option if I don’t want to sleep under a bridge is Macklin and Becks’s place.

I know they would never turn me away. But it isn’t that simple.

Living together always complicates things, even in solid, established relationships.

There’s also the fact that things between me and Becks are still new. That’s without even considering that my relationship with Macklin isn’t even real.

I know I need to be honest with Macklin about my feelings. But I don’t know how he’s going to take my admission that I’ve wanted our relationship to be real from the get go.

And I also know that Becks deserves to know about my deal with Macklin. What if that’s a deal breaker for him?

What was I thinking when I said yes to that deal? Every book and movie with a fake dating trope should have taught me that playing games with feelings always ends up biting you in the ass. Of course, that’s fiction, and we all know from the start that the heroes always get a happily ever after, eventually.

Reality is different. Playing with people’s emotions rarely ends well.

But when Macklin offered me that deal, the chance of being with him, even just as a fake girlfriend, was impossible to resist.

The chance to get Becks to notice me was equally hard to turn down.

I would have never guessed that I would have found myself in this position. That I would fall for both of them so deeply that just the idea of choosing makes me sick to my stomach. And that the lies we told one another about how we really felt could destroy everything?

The truth is that it was always only a matter of time. I’ve always known deep down that unless I’m prepared to let things end between me and Macklin, I have to tell him how I really feel.

And if I want a chance at a real relationship with Becks, I can’t base it on a lie. Becks deserves to know what Macklin, and I were doing to get him to notice me.

If that makes them both walk away from me, one because he doesn’t feel the same way about me, and the other because I played with his feelings, I’ll have to find a way to be ok with it.

It’s easier said than done.

One thing is certain, though. Even if they decide that they don’t want anything to do with me when they know the truth, they would never kick me out in the rain in the middle of the night.

Or at least, I don’t think they will.

My mind is made up, but my stomach still churns at just the thought of asking Macklin and Becks for shelter tonight. I can’t help it. Asking others for help goes against my nature. My parents have taught me and my siblings to stand on our own two feet, no matter what. They’ve raised us to be the ones who help others, not the other way around.

But the freezing rain has washed away every last ounce of fight I had left in me.

The last six months have been hard, and being kicked out of the Zeta House was the last straw.

Lost in my spiraling thoughts, I’ve been walking for hours without paying attention to where I was going. I’m by the pier, over two miles away from the guys’ place.

As chills cause my teeth to chatter, I take out my phone. Hopefully, one of them won’t mind coming to pick me up. I feel bad asking, but I can’t take this anymore.

No saying ever rang truer than “When it rains, it pours.” Of course, my phone is dead.

Right now, I would even spend the last few dollars in my bank account to grab one of the overpriced taxi cabs that are usually parked outside the pier. But on a night like this, no one is out and everything is closed. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen the pier completely dark.