Page 42 of Back To Our Beginning

I shook my head, whispering. “This isn’t forever, Beau. You’re leaving. We both know it.”

“I’ve got two weeks.”

My mouth opened, but no words came.

“Maddie…” His hand cupped my cheek, his thumb brushing lightly. “Say something.”

I didn’t. I reached up and pulled down his head and kissed him instead.

It wasn’t a soft kiss. It was desperate. Demanding. Fierce. Every moment of yearning, every ache and want crashed into me all at once. I pulled at the hem of his shirt, tugging it upward, but it didn’t work, not with me sitting on top of him. I stopped trying. Instead, I let myself slip deeper into the kiss, forgetting everything else but the essence of Beau.

I don’t know how long it was before I felt him tug at my hair, pulling us apart.

“What?” I asked. My voice sounded dazed.

“Not like this.”

“I want you. Now,” I protested fiercely.

He pressed his forehead to mine. “We’re not doing this like it’s a goodbye.”

“It might be,” I said, my voice breaking. My hands fisted in the front of his shirt. “But I don’t care. I’ve spent years guarding my heart. Letting no one in.” As soon as those words came out of my mouth, I realized how true they were. All these years I’d been waiting for Beau.

He closed his eyes, like he was struggling with himself. “No, Maddie. Not like this.”

“Yes, exactly like this.”

He shook his head.

“Why?”

“Because this isn’t a one-night stand for me. It never was.” He kissed my forehead, my cheek, the edge of my mouth. Each kiss made me want more. Ache more. “You’re not someone I just want. You’re someone I’ve always wanted. And when I finally have you, Maddie, it’s not going to be fast or frantic… It’s going to be everything.”

I said nothing. I couldn’t. I just held on to him like I was afraid he might vanish. And maybe he would. But it was too far to turn back now. And for the first time in years, my heart was in charge, and I was going to listen to it.

* * *

I don’t know how long I sat on his lap, my head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. What I did know is that I hadn’t felt this safe and cared for since forever. I allowed all of his words, the ones that had been tipped with gold dust, to weave their way through my soul. I replayed them again and again.

You’re someone I’ve always wanted.

Yes. Gold dust.

Somehow, I needed him to understand that I wanted him more than just on a physical level, or a friend level. But the right words? I love you. They caught in my throat. Were they true?

Maddie, stop it!

I placed a kiss over his heart and heard him sigh. Then I pressed up and looked into his light blue eyes that gleamed almost silver in the moonlight. He grinned down at me.

“Why are you grinning?” I asked.

“Because I think I know what’s coming.” He smirked.

“You do, do you?”

He kissed the corner of my lips, then pulled back and looked at me and nodded. “Yep, I do.”

“I intend to give you a talking to.”