Page 66 of Desperate Creed

“You okay, Sweet Pea?”

“Yes.”

“May I come in?”

“I suppose.” She pulled her legs back up and pushed herself into the pillows, using the headboard as a brace. She held the notebook, the page with the words clutched against her chest. “Am I in trouble?”

“Oh, Sweet Pea. No, not at all.”

“When is Ryder coming home?”

Hannah smiled at her, and she wasn’t sure why. “He should be home tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to talk to her anymore,” Brodie said, but now she couldn’t meet Hannah’s eyes. She didn’t want her to see how weak and cowardly she was.

“You don’t have to. You take as much time as you need.”

“Is she leaving?”

“The weather is nasty up through the route she needs to take. I asked her to stay the night. Is that okay with you?”

Brodie shrugged like it didn’t matter to her. It wasn’t her mother’s fault.

“I can’t make the memories go away,” she whispered, so softly she really meant it just for herself.

Hannah sat on the edge of the bed and reached out a hand. The first time she’d done this Brodie didn’t know what to expect. She placed her rough and scarred hand in Hannah’s. Hannah’s was soft and warm and smooth, but firm and strong.

“I’m no expert,” Hannah said, “but maybe we could try putting some good memories back inside your mind.”

“How do we do that?”

“Well, you’re already doing it every time you enjoy being with Isaac and Thomas. When you feel the warm sunshine on your face. Remember when you and Ryder slept outside under the stars? And Jason sure does like telling you about the dogs and showing you what they can do.”

Brodie tried to listen, really listen. She realized she was gripping Hannah’s hand like she needed to hang on.

“Sweet Pea, you’ve had to be strong and brave for so long.”

“Charlotte was.” It came out before she could stop it.

“Charlotte?”

“She was the brave one. Brodie was always weak and frightened. She cried all the time.” She looked up to see Hannah’s reaction.

“You are the brave and strong one. And you have always been, Brodie,” Hannah squeezed her hand and tilted her head to make sure Brodie didn’t break eye contact. “Brodie may have been scared but she grew strong. Brodie became brave and fought back because she knew what it felt like to be frightened, and she didn’t want to feel that way anymore. Brodie was the one who survived. Charlotte was just a name Iris Malone called you. She couldn’t make you be Charlotte. She tried, right? She tried over and over again to make you Charlotte. Isn’t that right?”

She waited for Brodie to nod.

“She tried and she couldn’t do it. You know why? Because Brodie wouldn’t let her.”

Brodie stared at her and finally nodded.

“None of us, including your mother, expect you to be that little girl anymore. But you don’t have to push her aside. She’s still a part of you. She gave you your love of reading, your kindness to animals, your fascination with the stars. Sweet Pea, somehow you need to stop blaming her. It wasn’t her fault. None of it was your fault.”

“That’s what Dr. Rockwood said.”

“Maybe starting on Monday we can see if you can talk to Dr. Rockwood every week.”

“But she’s in Omaha.”