Page 58 of The Addict

I began to zone out, away from the cold, hard voice. I dug deep inside myself, back to the time when I first bought the stuff. Back to the time when I was still sane, and somewhat clean. Before the constant cravings.

“What does it do?”

“Ohhh, man. You will feel like you’re flying.”

“Does it get rid of pain?”

“You’ll feel numb.”

“Memories?”

“Good as gone.”

I had bought every bag. A total of two thousand dollars worth.

“What do you think it will feel like?” I had asked Alex that night.

“Do you really want to smoke it?”

“Yeah. I can forget my problems.”

“They won’t go away.”

I knew that.

“Whatever. You know what I mean.”

“It doesn’t have to be the answer.”

“Who are you?”

“Your best friend. Alex Anderson.”

“That’s what I thought—so don’t act like my parents.”

Or my brother.

“Just speaking my mind.”

“Well, stop. You do it too much.”

“Noah, I’m afraid for you.”

“Good. At least someone is.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means it’s working.”

The memory was consumed with the sudden reality that Damian was shaking me. His mouth was moving but nothing was coming out of it. The churning in my stomach was bringing with it the urge to vomit. What should I do now? If I couldn’t get my hands on more drugs, I would be an emotional wreck.

I didn’t mean to get hooked.

“What are you doing to yourself?” Damian screamed, the silence finally broken, along with it, something snapping. He was using the very words I was asking myself.

What am I doing?

“How could you do this?” Anguish bled through Damian’s eyes to mine.