Page 50 of In Between Death and the Devil

“Good. Now let it flow through you, but don’t let it out yet.”

I loosened my grip on the thread. It zinged its way through my body and limbs, like a small bolt of lightning leaving sharp tingles in its wake. The urge to set it free was strong, but I resisted knowing what came next.

“Let it build while you focus on what you want it to do.” His breath tickled my left ear this time.

Anticipation built as I imagined the mass of shadows in front of me revealing my parents’ garden, and me arguing with Colt. I’d grown used to watching this memory with the Devil. It was comforting having him here while I mastered my fears.

“Now channel everything into your shadow.”

Raising my hands, I let the light that had gathered under my skin loose. It barreled into the dark mass in front of me, exploding outward in a blinding flash. When I could see again, the memory was already playing.

“Your father’s merchant ring was the only thing I wanted.” This time, Colt’s insults sounded weak to my ears, a young man trying to take up more space than he did.

“Good.” The Devil’s satisfaction in our bond filled me with warmth. His voice was such a stark contrast to Colt’s, it was almost laughable. Not just in sound, but the command it expressed. I couldn’t believe I’d thought Colt was the perfect example of a man. Maybe if I’d had more experience with people, I wouldn’t have made that mistake.

“There’s nothing wrong with your cunt, Maeve, but that’s all you were. A willing amusement to help pass the time.”

I braced myself, knowing what was coming. Watching my argument with Colt was awful, but it was a small penance I gladly paid to hear my mother’s voice again. To see my father’s face, my brother’s fierce expression. And then the real cost: watching them die. Again. I’d relived it in my head thousands of times, but this was different. Getting to see them like this was a gift I never thought I’d have, one that I thought would help me come to terms with what I’d done. It already had in some ways, and for that I was filled with gratitude.

“Now, freeze the memory,” the Devil said. Something cool I couldn’t identify filtered into our bond.

I jerked my head in his direction. “What?” This wasn’t part of our usual pattern.

“Freeze it. Here. All you have to do is will it.”

“Maeve. What have you done to me?” Colt gasped.

I met the Devil’s gaze. It was piercing, and almost challenging. Like he knew I didn’t want to. For that reason alone, I did as he asked.

With a thought, the memory stopped. Colt was on his knees with a man at his side, while young Maeve clutched her chest, and another man ran towards my parents’ house. I stared at the man’s back, my eye flicking between him and the house.

“How are you feeling?” The Devil’s voice made me start.

“Why have we stopped?” I sounded calmer than I felt. The break in routine felt wrong, like a discordant note.

“I want to know how you feel.” It wasn’t an uncommon question from him. He’d asked it plenty of times while we’d worked together, but always before or after we’d watched the whole thing play out.

“Confused.”

“Is that all?” He could have been talking about the weather, but I knew he was digging for something. I could feel it through our connection.

I took in the scene, searching for what he wanted. “You mean how do I feel about Colt? Stupid. I can’t believe I ever saw something serious in him. He’s such a manchild. His insults are ridiculous. They don’t sting like they used to.”

“That’s good, but I mean how do you feel about the fact that I had you stop here?”

“I already told you that.” I forced myself to look at the Devil instead of glancing at my parents’ house like I wanted as my heart began to sink.

“Anything aside from confusion?”

I opened my mouth to deny it, but then I remembered he could feel what I was feeling. “Why don’t you tell me?” I didn’t bother to keep the snap out of my voice.

He nodded, as if I’d confirmed something. Resignation filled our connection. “Release your power and dissolve the memory.”

“But we haven’t watched it all the way through.”

“I know. We don’t need to. Release it.”

I jerked back as if he’d struck me. Tears sprang to my eyes. I knew how to do what he wanted, but I couldn’t bring myself to. My gaze strayed to my parents’ house. They hadn’t appeared yet, and if I did as he asked they wouldn’t.