Page 84 of False Flag

She gave him a soft smile as she traced his jawline with her fingertips. “I love the way you say my name.”

He leaned in and kissed her neck, his lips trailing along her collarbone. “Anastacia. My Anastacia.”

Jake thought he was falling in love with her. The idea filled a hollow place in her chest. She replayed his words as she showered.

Alone.

She didn’t regret that they’d both put a stop to the light kisses before they went anywhere. He absolutely wasn’t in a clear mental state, and she…she wasn’t in the clearest of minds either.

He wasn’t an Archaeology Truther. She had no further worries there. But he was looking for a relationship, and she was terrified that, as real as his feelings might be now, once the haze of grief went away, so would those feelings.

What if she went all in, and he changed his mind?

What if it really was just lust and comfort being mistaken for something deeper?

He saw things in her no one else saw. Not men, anyway.

She wasn’t being entirely fair. She’d dated a few men worthy of respect. Rand, for starters. But the way things had played out with Beau had her running scared. She’d loved him in high school. She’d loved him again ten years later.

While she’d been having fantasies of rings and white dresses and possibly even babies, he had been conning her.

It had all been a lie.

She could see now that their relationship hadn’t been easy. In many ways, it hadn’t even been fun. But getting back together with him…it had meant the world to the seventeen-year-old who’d suffered a massive broken heart. And so she’d ignored every single red flag.

In the aftermath of their second breakup, she’d lost her confidence and her trust in herself. How could anyone respect her after she’d been so foolish? Especially considering others had been harmed by her breakup with Beau. Her advisor, Dr. Garrison, and friend Drew had been attacked too. Drew’s wounds and MRSA infection had been even worse than hers. He’d spent a full month in the hospital.

Her judgment was so bad, there had been actual, horrific, collateral damage.

How long before Jake realized she wasn’t smart, or strong, or courageous in taking on Gerard Campbell? Because deep down, in the place where her shame lived, she knew the truth. She was doing this to make amends, of a sort, to Drew, whose fear of another attack had pushed him to drop out of grad school. And amends to Dr. Garrison, who had taken a year off from teaching and even now only taught remote classes.

Unlike her epiphany at finally seeing Jake for the magnificent man he was, when his grief-blinders were removed and he saw Staci’s true self, he’d be so disappointed.

Which was a shame, because she absolutely had feelings for him that went deeper than lust. Deeper than respect.

Deeper than anything she could remember feeling for anyone.

She finished washing her hair and shut off the shower. Then she just stood there, dripping wet.

She needed to get her feelings under control, because right now, today, wasn’t about her. Jake was grieving, and he needed her support, not her baggage. If she could help him through this, maybe she’d eventually be worthy of him.

She was reaching for her towel when there was a soft knock on the bathroom door. “Staci? I just got a call from the detective investigating Lloyd’s death.”

Without bothering to dab at her wet skin or dripping hair, she wrapped the towel around her torso and opened the door.

Jake’s jaw was tight. Eyes bright. Body rigid.

“What did she say?”

“Cause of death was idiopathic anaphylaxis, which means they don’t know what caused the anaphylactic reaction, but the ME determined the manner of death was natural. Apparently, Lloyd had adult-onset asthma, which was news to me, but it’s in his medical records provided by the VA. A fatal asthma attack is different from anaphylaxis, and the reddening of his skin and swelling indicate anaphylaxis, but it could have been exacerbated by his asthma. Either way, the ME considered it enough to determine his death was natural. There won’t be any further investigation.”

“That’s bullshit!”

“I said the same thing. The detective said they can’t override the medical examiner’s finding. Not when there’s no other reason to view his death as suspicious.”

Of course it wouldn’t appear suspicious to authorities who knew nothing about Gerard’s cult. And Lloyd had actively sought a spot on the team.

“I assume Gerard sent them a copy of the medical form we all had to fill out. Was he allergic to anything?”