Page 58 of Offside

Sam was out, missing his crutch, but collecting some groceries from next to his door. I’d seen them get left there a few times this past month, which was how I knew he wasn’t leaving on his bum foot the way I didn’t when it was my knee.

But I’d never been out here to watch him collect them.

And now I knew why he stopped to help me, too–yes, he did it as an excuse to be near me as Sam, but still. It was pretty pitiful to watch someone with one good leg try to do something as basic as that.

Fuck–I was so going to regret this.

Reluctantly, I set my bag just inside my door before shutting it again and heading down the hallway to Sam’s apartment. I was screaming at myself with every step I took, telling myself to just turn around and go back home, but I couldn’t do that to him.

Like it or not, I loved both versions of him.

“Let me help,” I muttered, making him freeze while bending over to collect another bag.

He rose slowly, eyes locked on me, like maybe he was back to thinking I was a vampire. “You don’t have to–I’m fine,” he said quickly, shaking his head and turning to bring the bag inside.

“Shut up,” I grumbled, kneeling to collect the rest and following him into his place.

The door shut behind me, the same way my door did, too, but I knew then that I was fucked.

“You really don’t have to do this, Landon,” Sam mumbled, clumsily moving out of my way so I could enter his kitchen.

“Shut up,” I said again, avoiding looking up at him while I started putting everything away.

The unfortunate truth here was that the first time Sam did this for me, he wasn’t familiar with my kitchen and had to fumble around to put stuff away. I had been to his house so much these days that I didn’t need to guess–I knew where every single thing went.

And that only made the tightness in my chest get worse.

Sam just nodded, thanking me quietly and hobbling to the other side of the bar to stay out of my way. I started unpacking bags, making faces at certain items because they seemed so random.

Until I looked at them all together.

“Were you planning on making that chicken thing your mom used to make you?” I asked, holding up the dried tomatoes he’d have no other business with.

He nodded gently, hesitantly, and something deep in my chest got a little crushed.

I obviously knew Metal and Sam were the same person, but something about seeing Sam confirm a fact that Metal told me stung. It was Metal who told me about how his mom would make this for him when he was hurt or sad because it made him so happy, and it was Metal who taught me how to make it so we could have it together when I was sick for a few days.

It was a Metal fact, but a Sam confirmation, and that just kept fucking with my head.

How he battled the Knight versus Landon conundrum on his own was a mystery to me–at least I had him confirming things for me.

Or maybe he did, too.

“Christmas,” I said suddenly, eyeing his nervous face closely. “I didn’t think about it till now, but you brought me cookies with no peanut butter in them, even though Metal told me he was looking forward to his mom's peanut butter cookies. You did that because I told Metal I was allergic–you were testing things.”

“I–” he cut himself off with a sigh, letting his eyes fall shut. “No. My dad asked why I was upset, and I lied and told him it was because you were hurt and I missed my D partner. I couldn’t exactly tell them that I was sad because I’d just left the guy I was in love with, because I was scared, so I lied. Ben mentioned seeing you, and that’s how my mom found out you lived down the hall.”

“It was her idea to bring you cookies–I just made sure they weren’t ones that would kill you. I didn’t need tests–”

“I do,” I said, surprisingly gently–I really thought I'd lose my shit on him again the next time we spoke, so I was surprised myself. “I don’t know why, but I can’t seem to blend you two together that easily–”

“It wasn’t easy,” he half-chuckled, rolling his eyes. “Clearly, it wasn’t easy–I called you Knight in person. I had a really hard time with it and tried like hell to just make you one person, but it was hard. I was dealing with suddenly being really attracted to you, so being your friend felt harder and harder–”

“Wait, what?” I asked, making him pause mid-word. “You weren’t attracted to me before? Like, as Landon? You were attracted to Knight, but not Landon–how is that possible?”

Sam opened his mouth, but shut it quickly, thinking to himself.

I tried not to read too deeply into why I cared so much that he wasn’t attracted to me right away, but it was hard. I wasn’t exactly feeling the hottest the last month or so, but hearing that he didn’t like me like that from the jump, the way I did, was a little…odd.