Page 40 of Offside

Did I really sound like that?

Not the point.

“It’s Landon,” I said in almost a whisper, watching the confusion hit Ash. “Knight…is Landon.”

Ash was quiet for a second, face scrunched and looking around like the wall would have an answer for him. “Are you sure?” he finally asked. “I mean, you said you met the guy while we were in Toronto–that would be a pretty crazy coincidence. Besides, Landon’s not gay, or at least not out–”

“I’m sure,” I sighed, pulling out my phone to flip through the pictures I’d saved to find the one of Knight’s feet on his coffee table with our movie in the background…Star Wars tattoos on display. “I missed about a million signs, but when Landon got hurt last week, I saw–”

“Why do you just have a picture of Landon’s legs and apartment like that? Did he send that to you?” he asked suddenly, curiously looking down at me.

“You knew this was Landon?” I asked, waiting for his slow nod, like it was obvious. “How–”

“I recognized the tattoos,” he half-laughed, pointing at the screen. “He’s had those for years–they were posted on one of his last team's socials for Star Wars Day or whatever–I’m not a nerd like that. I recognize the apartment because I’ve been in it–Thayer made me bring him some plant thing when he moved in–same one I brought you.”

“Fuck you–I thought you just wanted to do something nice for me!” I almost shouted again, making him laugh.

“I did! Thayer just made me do it for Landon, too–you guys moved in at the same time.”

This didn’t feel like it was helping.

But my chest did feel a little lighter.

Maybe having friends wasn’t so bad.

“I just need you to tell me what to do, Ash,” I finally said, settling down his laughter. “I can’t tell Landon, and I can’t keep talking to him as Metal, but…I feel so fucking empty inside right now, and all I want to do is call Knight, so what do I do?”

Ash thought for a second, scratching the back of his head casually. “I mean, I feel like it’s obvious,” he muttered, tilting his head a second. “You have like…the cheat codes to Landon right now. You made him fall for you once as Metal–just do that again as Sam. I know that’s a lot to ask from the man who can't even order his takeout in person, but it's just right there.”

“That feels like cheating,” I mumbled.

“Is it?” Ash asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “I mean, you’re just guiding the relationship a little better than a stranger would. You have all the tools and ammo you need to make him fall for you, so just do what Metal did and make him fall for Sam. Once he’s in love with Sam, Metal will be a funny memory you can both just forget about.”

Would I really be able to do that?

Put aside whether it would work–if it did, would I really be able to pretend Metal and Knight never existed?

Could I go the rest of our lives keeping that secret from him?

That seemed impossible, but my only other option was…forgetting him completely.

Moving on.

Two things I just couldn’t do.

It would hurt–just being in that room with him for five minutes hurt, but what if it worked? What if I got to keep him and could be with him in the real world, not just through my phone?

That would totally be worth some pain now for a lifetime of happiness later.

Chapter 18

Landon

Hey, being on injury was boring as hell.

Being on injury with no hot boyfriend to spend it with?

Even more boring.