Page 82 of How to Ruin a Rake

On the last night before they were due to leave for Somerset, she found herself unable to sleep, and after several hours of irritable wakefulness, she got out of bed, lit a candle, and went through into Max’s bedroom. She set the candle beside the bed and looked down at his sleeping face. In repose, he resembled the perfection of a Greek statue, but she still wanted to shake him silly.

“Max,” she said softly. “Are you awake? I need to talk to you.”

His eyelashes fluttered, and he spoke without opening his eyes. “Go away.”

Allegra sighed. “But I can’t. I appear to have upset you, and I’m not sure why.”

He remained silent for a few moments and then groaned. “You’re not going to leave me in peace, are you?”

“You know I will not.”

He rolled onto his side and eased away from her until he was sitting upright with his back against the pillows. “What is it that you wish to say to me?”

She sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him. “Firstly, I wish to apologize if I have inadvertently upset you.”

“There’s no need.” He crossed his arms over his bare chest.

“It might help if I knew what I’d done.”

“You’ve done nothing.”

“Max …” Allegra swallowed hard. “Please.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Max said. “Am I not performing to your satisfaction?”

“What on earth is that supposed to mean?” Allegra stared at him.

“I must admit that when you told me that our marriage would not affect me in the slightest and that I was free to continue my rakish ways with your full approval, I was a little confused. But I understand you better now. I thought I was performing the role you required of me.”

“I … don’t understand.”

He raised his eyebrows. “That of a dutiful and attentive husband in public. Isn’t that all you require of me?”

“Not all.”

“I’m merely a prop for your plan to reestablish your family’s reputation. What else could you possibly want?”

“That’s not fair.”

“Do my duties extend to bedding you? Have I been remiss in that matter? Is this what this nocturnal visit is about?” He drew back the covers with a flourish. “Because I am always happy to do my duty and perform for you, my darling.”

Allegra stood up, her hands fisted at her sides, tears crowding the back of her throat. “You’re being absolutely horrible.” Her voice cracked. “I’m sorry for bothering you, and I promise I won’t ever do it again.”

The door slammed behind Allegra, and Max let out a string of curses. She’d looked … ​devastated. But wasn’t that what he’d wanted? Hadn’t he decided to show her how she’d wounded him and make her feel bad in return?

He lay back against his pillows. His words had sounded so much better in his head than when he’d delivered them. She’d come to him, trying to understand, and he’d repelled all her concern with his own anger. But she’d set out her terms, and hadn’t he merely set out his own?

His righteous indignation didn’t seem to matter so much when he’d hurt her. And they were married. They had to find a way to live together for the rest of their lives. He’d never wanted the cold formality of the marriage that existed between his parents. They’d met only a week before their arranged marriage and had cordially disliked each other ever since.

Allegra insisted that he continue as a rake, and he wanted—

What did he want? Not this horrible conflict and hurt, not separate lives where they barely tolerated each other. Max groaned. He only knew how to be a man about town and a rake. How was he going to forge a new identity without the continuing support of Allegra? She was the person who’d made him think he could be more.

Perhaps it was time to prove that he had the guts to change. How he was going to manage it, when he’d alienated the one person who’d believed in him, was another matter entirely.

Max waited until Allegra was settled in the carriage before attempting any conversation with her. Their morning had been filled with packing, and they’d sent along their belongings with their staff, who would meet them at Blanchard Hall. Allegra’s mother had also arranged for Allegra’s dogs to be transported there.

The duke and duchess came into the entrance hall to say goodbye, as well as some of the senior staff. Max couldn’t help but notice Allegra had purple circles under her eyes and was avoiding his gaze. He couldn’t blame her; his behavior on the previous night did not sit well with him.