Page 72 of Snowed Inn

“Okay, then.”

“I mean, it’s not like I want anyone else,” Charlotte insists, and the tone in her voice and the look in her eye tell me we’ve just hit upon the exact problem. Oh, yeah, she definitely wants someone else. And his name is Sawyer. This calls for a little more bluntness.

I purse my lips and narrow my eyes. “Are you sure about that?”

Charlotte’s face turns ashen.

“Look,” I continue, “I truly don’t mean to prod. But something tells me you might have someone else on your mind.”

She immediately opens her mouth to issue a denial, and I hold up my hand to stop her. “I don’t need to know who,” I say. “But you need to be honest with yourself. If you’re staying in this relationship for the wrong reasons, you owe it to yourself and Miller to end things.”

Charlotte nods again. She looks sad and worried at the same time. I want to hug her. I’m not a hugger, but she seems like she needs a hug right now. It’s a huggable moment. I’m about to awkwardly suggest it when the front desk bell rings.

Oh, thank God. “I’ll get it,” I offer, already halfway out of my seat.

She pulls me back down. “No, let me,” she says. “Thank you for the talk, Maria. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

Charlotte leaves me sitting on the couch alone.

In the silence I can’t ignore the fact that I gave myself a lot to think about too. I want to take Jesse upstairs and do something I’ll definitely regret. Which means I need to take the advice I just doled out. I need to get out of here before something happens between us that I can’t take back. Something that will cause future awkwardness any time I visit my best friend.

I need to book a flight to LA.

Chapter 26

December 30 (night)

I have a ticket to LA, and I’m staying there a whole week. I haven’t taken off from work for more than a long weekend in years. It’s high time I took a two-week vacation. I need to see my family. I need to see the sun. I need to feel normal again. I texted my boss earlier and told her I would be gone another week. She agreed as long as I continue to babysit Monica via phone. That just shows how shitty my job has become.

But I’ve got a plane ticket in my name. It’s business class. And it’s scheduled for January 1.

I’m staying here for the New Year’s Eve party. Not because of Jesse. Definitely not. I am staying because El may need me. She could be weak when she comes back. She may be unable to perform all her duties. It would be selfish of me to leave her in the lurch.

Not to mention, Charlotte is clearly going through something. I can take over the inn’s social media accounts if she needs me to.

I managed to stay away from the food barn for most of the day. After I talked to Charlotte earlier, I went for a long hike through the forest. At least it felt like a forest even if it was really just me following the few cleared paths through a bunch of evergreens on the grounds of the orchard. But I figured out why I usually don’t go tramping around in trees. It gave me way too much time to think.

I thought about my job, and how it’s no longer providing me with what I liked about it in the first place. I thought about what was wrong with the last three guys I dated. Shallow. Shallow. And oh, shallow. For instance, not one of them could recite poetry from memory, but all of them could rattle off the exact price and collection of their Patek Philippes. I also thought about my family. Why do I live so far away from them? Why didn’t I stay in LA?

Yes. A lot of thinking happened today, which somehow led me directly back to Jesse. Because now, all my resolve is shot. It’s nearly nine p.m. and I’m tipsy in the food barn with an oversize chocolate chip cookie and a big growler full of cider. The cider is freakin’ delicious, just like last time I tried it.

As predicted, El blew up my phone trying to figure out what was going on with me and Jesse.

I finally replied, i’ll let u know as soon as i figure it out. That seemed to appease her. Now she just texts me questions about the New Year’s Eve party that I’ve already answered. I turned off the sound on my phone. I don’t even care if Monica tries to get through from the Caribbean. She can wait too.

Jesse poured the first cider for me with a face full of skepticism. “Are you sure you don’t want a martini?” he asked.

“Cider, please,” I insisted, going so far as to slap my hand on the counter. I nearly called him “barkeep.”

I’ve been here over an hour and this place closes in a few minutes. Most of the hotel guests have gone back to their rooms. After Jesse closes the last guest’s tab, he steps over to me. “Ready to call it a night?”

A thrill shoots through me because it feels like he meant “ready to go home with me.” I want to. In fact, I want all of him. Right now. That’s why I came out here tonight. So I could lust over him. I’m completely inappropriate but here we are.

“This cider is good,” I say. I’m a little wobbly. I need to catch myself on the bar counter.

“Oh, no.”

“Oh, no, what?” I blink.