Page 75 of Road to Absolution

CHAPTER 17

Statements of Crucial Steps

In the hospital hallway were some of the men who had taken turns with Scorch to watch over me. In total, there were six of us, including Diesel and Scorch. It was all officers greeting me, but two were missing: the Vice President and Sergeant at Arms. I knew they were at the clubhouse watching over my girl, but still…

Statement.

When Lilah was driven away from the hospital, I’m pretty sure the clubhouse was a ghost town because every motorcycle had been present in the parking lot. The walls trembled from the army of bikes as her escort got underway. I remember being ashamed that the sound made my skin crawl.

By me having so few to see me home safely, what was being said?

Diesel’s Road Captain, Rogue, slapped me on the shoulder. His Georgia country accent was thick. “Look at that. How many damn times did you beat death, ya badass bastard?”

There it was. A statement. It was that I didn’t need such protection. I wasn’t a gentle woman. I was a goddamn Redemption Ryder. Now watch the fuck out.

I set my shoulders back and started walking, not needing to be led away. From over my shoulder, I answered Rogue, “Lost count.”

The explosion of laughter behind me from my new brothers, even if only a few, was heard louder than all the bikes in the world.

In the passenger seat of a ‘cage,’ as my new brothers liked to call cars or any vehicle except motorcycles, there was the beginning of a transformation. It was my first time being outside the hospital, and an indication that I had a hell of a journey ahead of me. Pressure was building in my head, forcing my senses to go into overdrive. Smells. Touches—the feel of the car. How it drove on the road, moving and bouncing from any imperfection on the road. Headlights from passing cars caused me to wince and veer my face in the opposite direction.

A complicated reaction put into simple words?

Everything hurt.

Even breathing was painful because it was now so hard to do. I wanted to crawl into a hole, curl into the fetal position, and fade away for a while. I wanted the whole world to just stop for a few hours until I could collect the pieces of me that were trying to escape.

I was caught off guard by all the fear bubbling up. Yes, I knew I was a little edgy in the hospital, but now I was really struggling to stay calm. It was like any distress I had been in denial about was now demanding to be dealt with.

Scorch had been correct. Surviving the crash was the easy part.

I was clueless what to do!

When the car Rogue was driving stopped and the engine was cut off, I realized my eyes were tightly shut and I was gripping the dashboard, along with the side of the door, as if bracing myself.

For what? I had no idea.

Bewildered, I peered around to find we were now in the far corner of a quiet parking lot of a closed store.

When the four bikes around us went quiet, the pressure in my head eased.

From behind the steering wheel, Rogue said, “Sorry to interrupt our trip, but I’m dying for a smoke.”

Pulling air into my tight lungs, I practically leaped out of the car after pushing the door open. I just needed out of the car that now felt like a cage— “Oh my God.” Cage.

Eyeing me carefully, Diesel lit a cigarette. “Those bastards suck, don’t they?”

I backed away from the car—cage, staring at it in revulsion. Now that I had actually been trapped in a vehicle—one that had been on fire—it seemed any other vehicle was going to be some sort of trigger.

Even though I was able to escape this one, memories of my legs feeling the heat… the burning… were still pelting me. “What am I going to do?”

Diesel exhaled upward. “You’re gonna get a HOG. You’re going to learn to find freedom with her purrin’ under your ass, driving you away from whatever you need to escape. You’re going to let that loud roar silence the world until you can think again.”

Now I was staring at the jet-black bike behind him. Grabbing at the shirt covering my heaving chest, I shook my head. “I see that bike—” I see headlights.

I stood there in disbelief. I had joined a motorcycle club, to protect my wife, yet had a crippling fear of bikes.

Diesel said, “Change that perception, Pup. See the freedom when looking at a HOG. Don’t see them.” He threw me a pack of smokes.