Page 78 of Raging Fires

Three hours and two sieges later, Jake and Kelli started back home. “That was fun,” Kelli said as they drove away. “You know, you think that people like that, rich and famous, would be all sophisticated and doing things like going to art galleries or premieres. But they’re just regular people.”

“Hell, I was rich and famous, and you know I’ve never been sophisticated,” Jake replied.

“You went to some premieres.”

“Not art galleries,” he said in an appalled tone, and Kelli laughed. They continued for a while in silence down the winding road to the expressway. The city of Phoenix lay spread out before them, lights glittering like diamonds across the floor of the desert. “It’s nice up here.”

“Yeah, it’s beautiful,” Kelli agreed.

“Still, I don’t know that I’d want to live up here. There’s that great view, but it’s kind of far away from the Blue. And the stadium.”

Kelli glanced at him, surprised. Where was he going with this? “That’s true.”

“Maybe a condo closer to downtown would be better, but I’d sure like to have a pool,” he went on. “And it’d be great to have a fenced back yard for Toby.”

Kelli continued to stare at him. “Jake… what are you talking about? You want to buy a house?”

He shrugged. “Maybe. It’d be nice, wouldn’t it?”

“But we have to live behind the bar,” Kelli pointed out.

“Not forever. We’ve been there, what, 3 and a half months already? By the time the season starts, it’ll have been six months. Half the time. And, I mean, we’d want to start looking before the year was up, right, so we could move in as soon as we can get out of that tiny place.”

“I, um,” Kelli floundered, her heart suddenly pounding in his chest. “Are you talking about staying here? Living here?”

“Mhm,” he made a noncommittal noise. “Emma thinks I’ll be able to get a better deal somewhere else, but I don’t know about that. Even if I do, there’s the off-season, and, uh, Gran’s here. The Blue’s here. My career will only last so long; I’ve blown six years of it already. I’ve got to live somewhere after that.” He paused, and when Kelli made no reply, he said, “I mean, unless you’d rather not.”

“No. I mean, yes. I mean, I wasn’t sure you were talking about you and me. Us.”

“Of course. Who else would I be talking about?”

Kelli looked at him. She could see only his profile, his eyes on the road. It was so like Jake to start a conversation like this in the car, so she couldn’t read his face and he could busy himself with driving.

In the past, that kind of thing had bugged her—why couldn’t he just open up and talk straight out to her? But she understood it better now; she’d found herself doing the same sort of thing when she talked about their divorce. And, really, if this was the way he could express something that made him nervous, it was fine.

Carefully she said, “Are you saying we should stay married?”

His hands tightened on the wheel. “Um, yeah. If you want.”

“Jake…” Kelli’s voice was sharp with exasperation. “What do you want?”

His hand flexed. In a low voice he said, “I don’t want to lose you again.”

Kelli reached across to put her hand on his arm. “I don’t want to lose you again, either.”

Maybe this was all they could manage right now, both of them still too battered and too wary to commit. Maybe this was enough. She stroked his arm and sat back in her seat.

“Okay,” she said. “We can check out Zillow.”

Jake’s shoulders relaxed. “Sounds like a plan.” He set his arm on the console, turning his hand palm up. Kelli put her hand in his, and they drove on through the dark toward home.

***

They started looking through houses in a haphazard way, neither one of them wanting to upset the delicate balance that existed between them. Kelli couldn’t even identify all the emotions that tangled in her—she found herself grinning a lot, and just as often her stomach tightened with nerves. Would it work? Was she crazy to think of staying with Jake? It seemed even crazier to think of living without him. Was he saying he loved her? Did she love him? Was it all going to blow up in her face?

So they took it slowly, glancing through online realtors, sometimes talking about neighborhoods, always in a non-definitive, maybe-in-the-future way. OTAs had ended, leaving only three weeks until Jake had to leave for training camp, and Kelli felt a little pang in her chest every time she thought about that. She took off work extra days so she could spend time with him, though she would never have admitted it to Jake.

They were sitting on the couch one morning, Kelli turned sideways, her legs stretched across Jake’s, as she scrolled through the Blue’s social media. Jake, also reading his phone, said, “Gran’s decided to have a Fourth of July get-together.”