Page 73 of The Duke’s Matchmaker

That was true. Gabriel never missed a chance to gloat. “Does he know you’re here?”

“No, he doesn’t, and he doesn’t need to,” Jonathan said. “We can keep this between you and me. That’s why I came alone, because I wanted to have this conversation without you having to worry about what Gabriel would say.”

“Why does any conversation need to be had?” Nathaniel asked. “What happened is over and done with. There’s nothing I can do about it now. I’m sure you would like to tell me it was a foolish thing to do, and I don’t even disagree with you, but there isn’t any point in worrying about that now.”

“That’s not why I came,” Jonathan said. “I know there’s nothing to be done about what happened between you and Dorothy. Of course I know that. But what you can still do is make an impact on your future. You can still control what happens next.”

“Nothing happens next, Jonathan. I told you, I offered her a proposal and she refused me. That’s her answer. There’s nothing more to be said.” He threw back his entire drink in one swallow and poured himself another one.

Jonathan watched him. “You ought to slow down,” he said quietly. “You don’t want to make a mess of yourself here.”

“I don’t want to make a mess of myself?” Nathaniel shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jonathan. Everything is a mess already. I’ve already made a mess of everything that matters. I don’t know how I’m going to make things any worse now by having a few drinks in my own home. I don’t see how anything I do now can possibly make things any worse, truth be told.”

“Things can always be worse,” Jonathan said rather severely. Then he leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees, holding Nathaniel’s gaze. “They can always be better, too. You know that. You know there is still a possibility to turn this around.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Nathaniel said. “You weren’t there. I don’t know what you think I’m going to do, what you mean when you say turn this around. She turned me down and that’s the end of it. She probably isn’t even going to want to speak to me anymore. The way she just ran out of the room after rejecting my proposal…it couldn’t be any more clear to me that she doesn’t want me around.”

“And you’re just going to accept that? You’re just going to let it go?”

“Well, what else can I do? Continue to show up at her house until she gets so tired of my presence that she agrees to marry me just to stop me from bothering her? I could never treat her like that, Jonathan, and I don’t believe it would work anyway. I have enough respect for Dorothy to accept the fact that she told me no and to go away when that is so clearly what she wants.”

“Are you planning on trying to find a relationship with another lady, then?” Jonathan asked. “Because your goal hasn’t changed, right? You still want to find a mother for Colin.”

It was too much. Nathaniel put his drink down, rose to his feet, and walked away from Jonathan toward the bookshelf in the corner of the room. He stood there for several moments, pretending to survey the books. It got him out of answering the question right away, which was what he needed. He couldn’t fathom trying to talk to Jonathan right now. The anger he felt—it was too much.

How dare he? How dare he come here, knowing what happened last night, understanding what I’m going through right now, and force me to answer these questions? As if I know the answers. As if anyone could. He couldn’t even give me one day to process everything before asking me to put it all down and move on? Am I really supposed to be thinking about the next lady already?

He placed a hand on the spines of the books in front of him. The familiar feel of cracking leather soothed and centered him, and he stayed there for a moment, breathing deeply and forcing himself to relax. Jonathan wasn’t here to try to upset him. As much as he was off track, he was still Nathaniel’s friend. He did want to help.

And besides…he doesn’t have all the information. He doesn’t know why this is so difficult for me. If he did…I don’t know. Perhaps he would be saying something different.

“You don’t understand,” he said at last.

“What don’t I understand?” Jonathan’s voice was milder now.

“I don’t…I don’t just want a mother for Colin. Not anymore.” He sighed. “I do want that. Of course I do. But with Dorothy…it was different. It was something more.”

“You’re in love with her,” Jonathan supplied.

Nathaniel turned, shock lancing through him.

“Did you not know?” Jonathan asked, watching him carefully. “You’re in love with her, Nathaniel. Of course you are. That’s what this is. You kissed her because you couldn’t resist any longer. You got caught because you were so captivated by that moment that you forgot to be careful. You asked her to marry you because you couldn’t bear the thought of having brought harm to someone you care for so much. And now you’re sitting in your house drinking because you lost her and it hurts you.” He paused. “Be honest with yourself. Do I have any of that wrong?”

“No,” Nathaniel said. There was no point in resisting. “You’re not wrong. That’s exactly right. That’s how I feel.”

“So, there you have it,” Jonathan said simply.

“But what good does that do me?” Nathaniel demanded. “What have I gained from that? It doesn’t change anything, Jonathan. In fact, it just makes things worse, because now I know the reason for these feelings and I know that there is nothing that can ever be done. She turned me down. We aren’t going to be married, and that means we aren’t even going to be in one another’s lives, because it’s obvious now that I can’t even be around her without kissing her. What am I supposed to do with this?”

“It’s always best to have all the information, whether it feels that way or not,” Jonathan said. “It’s better to know, Nathaniel. It’s better to understand that you’re feeling like this because you’re in love with her.”

“It isn’t better,” Nathaniel countered. “It’s going to make it that much more difficult to forget about her. I wish you hadn’t told me!” He returned to his chair, fell into it, and picked up his drink, but he didn’t drink it. Suddenly he found himself wishing he was a little clearer-headed.

“You didn’t need me to tell you,” Jonathan said. “You knew this, Nathaniel. You’ve known the whole time. You haven’t figured out how to tell yourself the truth, but you’ve known it. You’ve felt it. Tell me you haven’t felt it when you were around her. Tell me you haven’t longed for her when she was away. And is there really any other explanation for it?”

There wasn’t, of course. Jonathan was right. He was right about everything.

Nathaniel did love Dorothy. He loved her deeply and passionately, with all his heart. If he hadn’t known it before, it would have become impossible to deny after that kiss. It was all he could think about—the way she’d smelled, the way she had melted against him, the way in the moment they had come together all his problems had flown away. Everything he had ever faced, everything that had ever given him cause for questions or doubts, had been gone in that moment, and he had known that the world was manageable with Dorothy by his side.