Page 29 of Dancing With Redemption

14

Lincoln

He watched his daughter and her mother sleep, nestled together on a couch in the private plane Kai insisted he use to take his small family back to South Carolina. Lily was fine, healthy, and full of life, but Roxie was pale and seemed to be…slightly broken.

Hardly a surprise, considering what she’d been through. The most obvious signs on her face had started to heal, but she’d covered her head with a wig, hiding the torture she’d been put through. The short blonde hair suited her, but it still made his heart ache. He knew it was a wig, knew what was under it, and it reminded him of how he’d failed her.

Yes, he and Kai, along with everyone else, had finally figured out where she was, had taken the steps necessary to save her, but she’d been through hell before they arrived. She still hadn’t spoken about the woman or what had happened with her. If June was being honest, Roxie hadn’t spoken with her about it either.

Lincoln had considered enlisting the help of a professional, but he’d put it off. Roxie needed time to heal, physically, mentally, and emotionally. She’d ask for help if she needed it. He knew that much about her. But what if that experience had changed her, had made it impossible for her to ask for help?

He’d contact someone down there at the beach. That was where she lived, it was the place she considered home. He’d give her a few days to settle back into life, to heal a little bit more, then he’d insist she speak with some kind of therapist. She’d been tortured, after all. Kidnapped and tortured.

It still made him want to go back in time and kill that woman slowly and painfully, but he couldn’t do that. He had managed to get a little vial from Matteo, filled with the woman’s ashes. It was a macabre token, but he wanted to keep part of her with him, to prove that she was gone, to show her that all of her efforts were for nothing, if any part of her still existed in the world. Lincoln wasn’t the kind of man that believed in ghosts, but he almost hoped that Celeste was a ghost now, attached to that vial, and helpless to stop the life that went on without her.

Lily moved on the couch, gently pulled away from her mother, and came to sit on Lincoln’s lap where she wrapped her arms around his neck. She was squishy and warm, all things cuddly and childlike, he thought, as he wrapped his arms around the little girl. “Are you alright, honey? We’ll be landing soon.”

“I’m okay, Daddy. I’m just worried about Mommy. She’s so pale now and she’s always so sad. Even when she smiles, she still looks sad. Did I do something to make her sad?” Lily’s face was pressed into Lincoln’s neck so he pulled her away so he could look at her.

“No, honey, you didn’t do anything wrong at all. Somebody, well, somebody hurt Mommy, but it wasn’t you. And that person can never hurt anyone again.” Lincoln wondered if he’d revealed too much there, but when he saw the look on Lily’s face, he decided he hadn’t been wrong. That fierce look of satisfaction didn’t belong on a child’s face, but it was a look Lincoln was familiar with. He’d often had it on his own face over the years. Yep, this was his baby girl.

“I’m glad they can’t hurt anyone anymore. Will Mommy stop being sad soon?” Lily settled down in his lap and leaned against his chest, relaxed with her father. That touched him deep in his heart and he put his hand out to cup her face.

“She will, honey. I hope so, anyway. I don’t like seeing Mommy sad either.” Lincoln sighed and sat back in the chair with Lily. “We’ll get some help for Mommy if we need to, but right now, she just needs to rest.”

His eyes were on Roxie, still asleep with a blanket over her torso. She still could barely stand to have anything on her toes, even socks. She had on a pair of men’s socks that were much too large, just to keep her feet warm, but they didn’t touch her toes with any kind of pressure. He wondered how long it would take before she could stand anything on her toes. The doctor had said a couple of weeks, perhaps, but Lincoln had a feeling it might be longer. He wondered if some of the pain Roxie felt was mental, but he didn’t want to suggest it. She might take it as him diminishing her pain or insulting her, and he wasn’t trying to do that at all. He just wanted to…protect her. Even if it was already too late to protect her from the worst that had happened to her.

“Aunt June is going to take me to Disneyland next summer,” Lily said after a few minutes of silence.

“I’ve heard. Are you sure you want to go that far without your mom?” Lincoln asked, wondering if she’d still want to go if Roxie didn’t go. He still had no idea how far along Roxie was in her pregnancy, but the summer months would surely find her giving birth and with a newborn. Roxie may not want to travel if she had a baby to take care of.

“Would you stay with Mommy?” Lily asked, deep concern pulling her eyebrows together.

“If she wanted me to, yes, honey. I’ll always take care of your mom, if she’ll let me,” he answered honestly, while also letting Lily know it was her mother’s decision to make. It was important that she understand a man should take a woman’s wishes into consideration.

“Good. Mommy needs you to take care of her,” Lily said, and Lincoln could only hug her tight for a second before he let her go.

“Come on, get in your seat. We’ll be landing soon.” Lincoln pushed her gently towards her seat and buckled his own seatbelt.

Roxie sat up and got in her own seat, making Lincoln wonder if she’d heard his discussion with Lily. She didn’t act like she’d heard anything, instead, she smiled at him, touched her wig to make sure it was still in place, and then made sure Lily was comfortable.

Lincoln watched her, feeling a distance there that he couldn’t close. She’d kept him at arm’s length since she got out of the hospital. She’d speak to him, discuss Lily with him, but she balked at conversations about their relationship or about the baby on the way. He hadn’t tried to push her on the subject, not yet, but soon she’d have to say something, one way or another.

Either their relationship was done and he needed to move on, or she needed to let him back into her life. He wasn’t concerned about sex, or the lack of it, he wasn’t even sure if there was ever going to be sex between them again, but he did want to know if he could love her or not. There was always loving her from afar, he thought, with a silent roll of his eyes, but if they were done he wanted to know. That was all.

And maybe being his again would help to heal her. Wasn’t love supposed to help heal deep invisible wounds like hers? There was the new baby and Lily, who could probably heal all of her wounds, but he’d like to be a part of that healing. If she wanted him to be.

The plane landed and Lincoln drove them all back to his house, with a stop to pick up Chinese food for dinner. Aunt Katie had some business to take care of and would be flying back down to Myrtle Beach in a couple of days. For now, it was just the family that Lincoln hadn’t known he wanted more than anything he’d ever wanted before. Not until he’d almost lost one of the most important members of that family.

“Who wants an egg roll?” Lincoln asked as he dug out bags of egg rolls, crab Rangoon, and boxes filled with the dishes they’d ordered. Roxie remained silent but Lily jumped up and down with excitement.

“I want an egg roll and crab ragoo,” Lily said, unable to pronounce the Rangoon part in such a sweet way it made Lincoln laugh.

“You can have both, honey. Hand me your plate.” Lincoln doled out food to them all, watching Roxie, who’d barely said a word since she got on the plane earlier. “Roxie? You hungry or do you want to wait?”

“I’ll just have my sesame chicken, please.” She looked up at him for a second, then looked back at her plate. Her eyes were haunted, and he knew she’d been back in that dark place for a second. A second that probably felt like an eternity to her.

“I think you should have some crab ragoo, as Lily calls it. I know it’s one of your favorite things.” He’d ordered extra, just because of that.

“Oh, sure. Yeah.” She blinked and nodded in agreement, as if suddenly coming back to life. “Lily, don’t eat too much, baby. You’ll be sick if you eat all of that fried rice.”

Lincoln looked over to see Lily had scooped out a huge pile of rice onto her plate. It was far more than she could eat, but he’d let her try, if she wanted to. “It’s okay, Roxie. Let her have a try.”

“Oh. Okay.” Roxie looked down at her plate, and he knew he’d done something wrong, but he didn’t know what. If only he knew how to make this all better for her, he would. But he couldn’t, and that killed him a little bit every day.