Page 37 of Dancing With Guilt

Yeah, she’d have a hangover from hell tomorrow, and she might end up puking all over wherever or whoever she ended up with, but it might just be worth it. But she’d be leaving Lily in that new house without her there. Lily would spend her first night in a strange house with only Katie there to comfort her.

Being a full-time mother wasn’t something Roxie had been for most of Lily’s life, and it wouldn’t be now. But she could be the best part-time mom Lincoln would allow her to be. Putting the car back into drive, Roxie drove out of the parking lot and made her way to Lincoln’s house.

The lights were on in the house when she got there, a sight that made Roxie smile. She loved this house, loved the people inside of it now, waiting on her. Once the engine was turned off, Roxie got out and stared at the house. She hadn’t expected to ever walk back through that door, but here she was, a new chapter in a story that had been fractured but calm, until Lincoln Young came back into her life.

It would be great having Lily so close from now on, but at what price? Could she really do this?

“It won’t be so bad, Roxie,” Lincoln’s voice came out of the shadows around the porch, startling her.

“You say that like you have any clue what’s going on inside my head, Lincoln.” She moved away from the SUV, checking to make sure the security gate had slid closed behind her. Taking each step slowly, she walked up to him and looked down at a man who was as unknowable as he’d been the first day she saw him again after their long separation.

“I know you very well, Roxie. More than you think.” He stood and looked down at her. His face was unreadable and not just because it was dark on the porch. He’d closed off. “We’ll manage this if you can keep it together.”

“I’m not going to fall apart just because you dumped me, Lincoln. I’ve had worse pain in my life.” She dismissed him and turned to open the door.

“I’ve said good night to Lily. See you tomorrow.” Lincoln stepped off the porch with a wave. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Lincoln,” she said, wishing silently that dreams of her making him come a thousand different ways would haunt him all night. Asshole.

“Mommy, you’re here! The beach is just outside!” Lily cried as soon as Roxie closed the door, running to hug her mother’s legs.

“I know baby, isn’t it a beautiful house?” Roxie took Lily’s hand and headed to the kitchen, the place where she’d spent so much of her time, before Lincoln ended things with her.

“It’s my favorite house ever!” Lily cried and went to stand on the back deck. “I want to live here forever.”

“Well, luckily, your father agrees.” Roxie smiled at her daughter’s enthusiasm, even though her heart ached terribly.

“I’ve got a chicken casserole in the oven, Roxie. Are you hungry?” Aunt Katie asked as she came into the kitchen, a faint smile on her face.

“I am, yeah,” Roxie said, even though she wasn’t. She’d eat to keep Katie from worrying. Besides, Katie’s chicken casserole was heavenly, even when you didn’t want to eat.

“Good, it’s almost done. This is a nice house. And Lincoln’s already sat down and ordered everything Lily wants in her bedroom,” the older woman said carefully, watching Roxie closely.

Roxie smiled appropriately, hiding the fact that she just wanted to sleep and forget all of this existed. Which brought to mind a new question…where was she sleeping? It dawned on her then that she’d have to sleep in Lincoln’s room. All the other rooms were occupied now. For fuck’s sake.

The smile on Roxie’s face became brittle but didn’t slip. “I can’t wait. Honey, come back inside, it’s getting cold now.”

Lily came back in and chattered through dinner, telling Roxie all about the new things Lincoln had bought for her and the plans they’d made together. Roxie nodded at each new detail, glad that Lincoln was taking to fatherhood so enthusiastically, but wondering when she’d have time with her daughter at the same time.

“I have to start school down here and find new teachers for my dance and music lessons, but that’s okay.”

“Well, surely you could teach her dance until we find someone else, couldn’t you, Roxie?” Aunt Katie broke into the stream of words Lily had been speaking and Roxie blinked at her, lost for a moment.

She couldn’t teach her daughter how to be a pole dancer, not yet anyway. Then it dawned on her. “Oh, the ballet? Well, yes, I suppose I could.”

A broken shard deep in her soul suddenly joined back to another and light filtered in through the darkness. It would be wonderful to teach Lily in the studio upstairs. What a lovely idea. For those moments, she could have her daughter close, teach her, and do something else she loved dearly…dance.

“Really, Mommy? I’ve never seen you dance,” Lily asked, looking a little doubtful.

“No, there wasn’t anywhere for me to dance in New York, but there’s a studio upstairs. Did your father show it to you?” Roxie asked, smiling at Aunt Katie when she picked up the now empty dishes from the table.

“No, can you show me?” Lily asked, sitting straight up with excitement.

“Sure, honey. After we help Aunt Katie with the dishes.” Roxie reminded the little girl that they needed to help clean up and smiled when Lily’s face fell.

“Don’t worry, there’s a dishwasher and I don’t mind clearing everything away. Also, um, Roxie, there’s a lot of eyes around, keeping watch on us. I didn’t know if you knew,” Aunt Katie said that last part carefully and very quietly.

“Oh yes, I had a feeling there were,” Roxie answered with a nod. “If you’re sure you can handle this, I’ll take her upstairs.”