Page 26 of Dancing With Guilt

“Yes please,” she said softly as she stood up. “Lincoln, I’ll message you tomorrow. Thank you for dinner.”

Lincoln watched as Roxie left with Nick, the guy she seemed to prefer to be with right now. He swallowed down the angry words he wanted to say, clenched his fist by his side, and let them go. Once he’d calmed down, he signaled the waiter and asked for the bill. It was time to go home, alone again.

It was only when he was sitting in the kitchen, looking out at the ocean later, that he realized just how thoughtless he’d been. He’d been trying to explain to Roxie what it would be like for Lily to grow up without him, all the while, she’d had to grow up very quickly because her parents had been murdered.

Which brought up the matter of how he’d still not told her about that, or the evidence he’d managed to get together since she disappeared. June told him that he needed to tell Roxie about the whole situation, but he forgot about it every time he saw her. Even tonight, he’d wanted to bring her back to the house and strip her out of that beautiful, but way too concealing dress.

And the secret room there, where she’d shown him a variety of ways to give pleasure through pain, exquisitely beautiful moments that he wouldn’t have erased from his memory for any amount of money. Then he found himself in the studio he’d had done up for her. There’d been a plan forming in his mind when he had this room created. A future that he hadn’t quite named yet, but a future, nevertheless.

The news about Lily had done a number on him, and now he’d destroyed whatever future there might have been between them. Now there would be the kind of tense dinners they’d had that evening, and Roxie going home with another man.

Lincoln was certain Roxie wasn’t sleeping with the guy, but what if she was? He had no right to her anymore, he’d made that clear the night she left the house for good. He’d all but driven her into that guy’s arms. At least he was a decent man, he’d learned that much when he had Nick investigated. Lincoln hated Nick because he was a threat to what he’d had with Roxie, and as long as that guy was around, there’d probably be no hope of rebuilding his relationship with her.

The guy was way too protective of Roxie, as she deserved, to let Lincoln get anywhere near her. Which was probably for the best, at this point. He couldn’t ask her to come back to him, not after the way he’d treated her. His anger had burned hot, but it had burned out fast. With Nick in the way, there was no way to get Roxie back.

For now, he’d focus on Lily, making sure she was happy and could settle into a life with him as her father. Who knew, the girl might hate him for taking her away from her life, for intruding on it. Just because he’d longed to know his real father didn’t mean she did, did it? Doubts began to eat at him, and for the first time, Lincoln wondered if he’d made a mistake.

Would Lily hate him if he made her come live with him? He was her father, yes, but he was a stranger. Would it matter to her when he was just a strange man who took her from her life?

Doubts ate at him, and he ended up leaving the studio his daughter could now use, to go sit outside on the deck at the back of the house. He’d have to empty out the playroom, there was nobody else he’d want to take in there but Roxie and he knew she wouldn’t be coming back to him for a while, if at all. For now, he’d leave the room. There were too many memories in there, too many emotions he needed to put away.

He was a father, something he’d always wanted, so now he’d have to think like a father, act like a father, and put the hopes and plans he’d had for the girl’s mother to the side. He wanted to call Roxie, ask her what colors Lily’s favorites were so that he could have a room prepared for her. He knew she liked playing piano and the violin, that she was in love with ballet as much as her mother had been at the same age, but what else should he know about her?

Roxie knew all of these things, she could reveal all the things Lincoln should know, but calling her right now would be a bad idea. The look on her face as she left the table was a mix of hurt and bitter anger. Lincoln couldn’t blame her for that, he’d stepped his foot in it, big time.

He checked his watch and walked back into the house. It was after 9 pm, Lily’s plane should arrive any minute. He wanted to go and see her now, to demand Roxie let him come to her place tonight, but she had to explain the situation to Lily. Would it be easy for her, he wondered, or would Lily be upset with her mother?

Lincoln hoped his daughter would be excited to meet him, that she’d want to find out who he was as much as he’d wanted to know who his own father was. That missing link still gnawed at him sometimes. It was doubtful that his mother would ever tell him the identity of the man who’d created him, and that left a hole in Lincoln’s life. He didn’t want that for Lily, so while this may all take some getting used to, some time to adjust to, he wanted his daughter to have what he would never have. If he had to walk through broken glass to do it, he’d make sure she grew up knowing that he wanted to be a part of her life and that he’d always be there for her.

Lincoln’s phone buzzed and he picked it up, hoping that Roxie had changed her mind and wanted him to come tonight. That wasn’t the case though, it was just some company that wanted to talk to him about his car’s extended warranty, and Lincoln had to clamp down on the urge to throw his phone.

The tedium of life brought reality home to him though. At some point in the future, he’d know all of this stuff about his daughter, he’d be used to having her with him, and all his worries about whether she’d like him or not would be in the past. Their life might become as mundane as that stupid email he’d just got on his phone.

Would he ever really take having Lily with him for granted though? That would be awful, and he doubted that he’d ever do that. Only time would tell.

Instead of spending the rest of the night mooning over what might or might not be, Lincoln went into his office and opened up his laptop. He’d get some work done and then head to bed. Maybe he’d sleep late, so he wouldn’t pace all the next morning, waiting to hear from Roxie. One could hope, anyway.

13

Roxie

“Mommy, why are we here?” Lily’s girlish voice asked as Roxie drove them back from the airport.

“Well, I know I usually come up to see you, but there’s someone you have to meet tomorrow. A person that is very…important to you,” Roxie answered, not wanting to get into the conversation right now but Lily had the sense to know that being there with her mother meant something was different.

She was a smart cookie, Roxie thought with pride.

“Okay,” Lily answered, and went back to staring out of her window in the backseat of Roxie’s car.

“How are you, honey?” Aunt Katie asked, and Roxie glanced over at her with a faint smile.

“I’m handling it all, I guess,” Roxie spoke softly, not wanting Lily to hear too much. “I told him he could come over at lunchtime tomorrow.”

“Okay. Is he still as handsome as he was when he was a boy?” Aunt Katie asked with a charming smile on her lined face. She’d aged in the ten years since the fire, they all had, but she wore it well.

Katie’s hair was long, but she always kept it pinned up in a neat bun, and her clothes were always clean and elegant. They might not outshine high society labels, but they were good quality and serviceable. It was Katie’s complexion that had always fascinated Roxie though. Even with the lines of age creeping across her face, it was unblemished and peachy in color.

“He is as handsome as he always was, Aunt Katie,” Roxie finally answered, knowing she couldn’t stall the questions the older woman would have.