Page 2 of Dancing With Guilt

“I hope so,” Roxie replied, not sure of what else to say. She wasn’t religious, or even superstitious really, but she didn’t want to jinx anything at this point. Saying she knew they’d get Lincoln back without a problem was asking for fate to step in and smack them all with a dose of heartache.

After all, she’d known heartache time and time again since the day her parents died. That was why taking a chance on a relationship with Nathan had been such a big deal to her. He’d been so sweet, so kind when she least expected it, and he’d managed to fool her. Trusting Lincoln had been even harder to do after that experience with Nathan. Now, was fate about to teach her another lesson she really didn’t want to learn?

If Nathan killed Lincoln, it would tear her apart.

“I’m going for a walk.” Roxie pushed up from the chair and rushed out the door, unwilling to let June see the tears in her eyes. Or to hear the sobs that threatened to swell up out of her chest. Comfort wasn’t what Roxie wanted, she wanted Lincoln back.

Her feet kicked at sand as she made her way to the waves gently rushing to the shoreline. She remembered the many nights they’d come out to swim in the water, how she felt safe from everything when she was with him. Except for her heart, maybe. That hadn’t been safe from him for a long time.

Roxie sat down on the sun lounger somebody had left on the beach and brought her knees up to her chest. She’d tell him, if he came back, she’d tell him everything. Every little secret she’d hidden all this time, she’d tell him all of it. If she could find a way to put it all into words. And if he came back, of course.

Luckily, June and everyone else that came by the house in the next hour left her alone to her thoughts. The sun started to burn her face, but she didn’t care, not when the constant roar of water cleared her thoughts so well. She felt at peace for the first time since Lincoln disappeared, while she perched there on the sun lounger, listening to seagulls and the ocean that stretched across the globe.

Exercise hadn’t done it and talking with June made it somehow worse. There was guilt mixed with Roxie’s grief when she talked to June, guilt because the other woman was his sister and had to be feeling much worse about all of this than Roxie was. She wanted to comfort the woman, but she needed comforting too. She just didn’t know how to do both, and get both, at the same time.

It wasn’t possible, she finally decided. She’d have to be strong for June when she could be and take June’s strength when it was offered. Anything else would be selfish and she’d never been a selfish person. Even if others had perceived her that way over the years.

But then the opinion of others had rarely bothered her. These people though - June, Emily, Kitty, and River - they all mattered, and so did their opinions. Roxie smiled, at last, thinking about how her friends had rallied around to help. Hopefully, there’d be news soon from one source or another.

So far, Lincoln’s friend Kai had come and gone, as had Tanya, one of Lincoln’s personal assistants. Wendy would show up eventually, as would Emily. It was time to stop moping and see what else she could do to be of some help.

Roxie headed back into the house, kicking sand off her feet and swiping at her bottom to make sure she wasn’t carrying any sand in with her. That was one of the drawbacks of living so close to the ocean, sand got everywhere all the time, no matter how careful everyone was.

“Any news?” Roxie asked June once she found her in the living room.

“Not yet, but that’s good too, I guess?” June shrugged, looking helpless.

Roxie saw the dark circles under June’s eyes, the tension around her mouth, and knew this was taking a toll on her friend. June had always adored her brothers, even when they thought she was just a brat. “I guess it is, in a way. No news is good news, right?”

“I hate that saying.” June leaned back on the couch, her hand out to reach for Roxie. “Come sit with me.”

“Of course,” Roxie answered, taking June’s hand in hers. “I miss sitting around with you.”

“I miss so much about you.” June’s head swiveled to face Roxie, her eyes sad but somehow also happy. “I couldn’t sleep for weeks after you left, even when my dad and Lincoln started to look for you.”

“I’m sorry. I should have said something, sent you a letter or something. I was just so afraid of everything and everyone after that fire. I saw those men and well, my brain just went into disappear mode. Even when I saw Lincoln again, my first thought was hide, get away, in case him knowing where I was would lead those men back to me.” Roxie shuddered to a pause, her eyes staring at nothing.

“Why didn’t you go to the police, Roxie?” June chided, but Roxie shook her head.

“I heard what they were saying about my parents, that it was a murder/suicide, or that both of them had killed themselves. I knew they wouldn’t believe an overwrought teenager, even if I had some proof that those men were involved.” Roxie shook her head, her thoughts on that night once more. “I can still remember how they both looked, staring at the flames that took my parents away from me.”

“It must have been terrifying.” June reached out for Roxie’s hand again and squeezed it. “Maybe, once all of this has settled with Lincoln, it’s time to go back and talk to the police at last?”

“Maybe. We’ll see. I still don’t have any proof that my father didn’t set that fire.” Roxie let her head fall back against the couch and looked at June with tired eyes. “It’s not really that important right now, is it? I just want to get Lincoln back first.”

“We will. My father won’t let this guy get away with it either. He’ll make sure he never comes back around again.” June glared at the wall in front of them, her thoughts far away now. “If Lincoln doesn’t kill the guy, that is.”

“That is always a possibility.” Roxie couldn’t help but laugh softly at the thought. “He’s threatened to do it so many times now, after this it’s forgivable, isn’t it?”

“I know the guy’s an addict and not in his right mind, but still. They all think that what happens to everyone else won’t happen to them, but it does so many times, and that addiction has destroyed that guy’s life. It’s sad, really.”

“I didn’t even know it was happening, at first. He hid it well for a while, but then he couldn’t hide it anymore. Lincoln was so worried I’d be the one that paid the price, but it wasn’t me. It’s him. I’ll kill Nathan myself if something happens to Lincoln, I don’t care what happens after that.”

“But I care,” a male voice called out from the front of the house and both women jumped off the couch in a rush. “I care a lot.”

2

Lincoln