Page 19 of Dancing With Guilt

“It’s not. It’s something much bigger.” Roxie debated telling him, and he waited to see if she would, but she shook her head. “I can’t tell you right now. But he’s totally justified in hating me.”

“Hate’s a strong word,” Nick said, considering her with narrowed blue eyes, so much colder than her own. “Are you sure he hates you?”

“I think he did by the time I left yesterday, yes.” She nodded for emphasis, her eyes bouncing from his to the wall behind him. She didn’t want to put Lily in any more danger, and although Nick was probably one of the safest people she could tell, she wouldn’t take that chance even with him. “Thank you for not pushing me for an answer.”

“Roxie, you’ve always been your own woman. You know your mind, and I still think if you hid something from him, you had your reasons. Whether they were justified or not, I guess is up to him, but I know you. You wouldn’t hide something if it wasn’t important to do so.” His eyes bored into her now and she realized, not for the first time, just how much he cared about her. If only she could love him, life would be so simple. She could get Lily, find a home for them all and live a life of luxury.

But the only love would be what she had for her daughter.

Nick deserved more than that from a wife.

“I thought it was important at the time. Very important. And I kept meaning to tell him, but the moment was never right,” Roxie sighed and got up for a glass of water. “I know he didn’t mean to keep brushing off the moments when I said I wanted to talk, or when I said I needed to tell him something, but, well, it’s been one hell of a ride lately. We’ve not really had time to do more than breathe. Well, until yesterday. It all came out, and he was not happy.”

“I’m still sure you had your reasons.” Nick crossed his arms over that very broad chest of his and gazed at her levelly. “You aren’t a malicious person, Roxie. You’re actually very giving for someone who’s had to take all the shit you’ve had to take lately.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” she muttered, but he heard her.

“Then tell me?” He asked, it wasn’t a demand.

“My parents died in a fire when I was a teenager. It really ruined my childhood, and all those early years of my adult life were colored by it. I didn’t have someone to run home to, or parents that could bail me out of trouble. I was on my own and whatever decisions had to be made, I made them.”

“Ah, that’s why you’ve always been so independent.” He nodded as if things made sense now.

“Pretty much, yeah. I had to hold my own hand so many times that I got used to it. Nathan really fucked me up when he ghosted me that first time. I thought he was different. Then I became involved with Lincoln, and well, that’s a shitshow that I can’t explain a lot about.” Roxie sat back down and looked at Nick.

He didn’t look upset or bothered by anything she’d revealed so far. Would he help her if she asked?

No, she couldn’t take advantage of him like that. He’d do it because he adored her, no matter what it cost him, and it might cost him far more than money. She couldn’t put him through that. She’d have to save every penny she had and fight Lincoln for her daughter, if it came down to it.

But would it really be such a bad thing?

Lily deserved to know her father and Lincoln did have a lot of money to provide the kind of security Lily would need to protect her.

Not at the cost of never seeing her daughter again, though. That was a price she was unwilling to pay.

“How can I help, Roxie?” His eyes implored her to tell him anything she wanted, but she didn’t have an answer.

“You’ve given me somewhere to hide for a little while. That’s the best gift you could give me. I need time to think, to plan a strategy, and I can do that here.”

“Are you sure that’s all?” He didn’t seem convinced that was all he could do.

“I can’t think of anything else, Nick.” She laughed softly, shaking her head. “If I think of something, you’ll be the first to know. I promise.”

“Good. Now, are you sure you won’t want dinner? I can take you anywhere you want to go or call somewhere and order in?” He held up his phone, but she shook her head no.

“No, I’m not hungry. I ordered Chinese earlier.” She hadn’t but he didn’t need to know that. She’d had a sandwich, and that was enough for today.

“Okay. Can I sit out on the balcony with you for a while then? I could use some company, if you can stand me.” Nick let his façade of easy-going nonchalance slip for a moment, and Roxie just couldn’t say no.

“Sure, what’s up?” She got up and they walked out to the balcony. At least the rain had stopped at some point. A quick check showed the brown wicker furniture was dry before they sat down.

“Nothing much, I’ve just been running on empty for a while and need a break.” He sighed but held a hand up. “Don’t worry, I’m going on vacation next week. I’m going to Germany for a week.”

“Oh wow, lucky you!” She smiled over at him across the square glass table that separated them. “I’d love to go there.”

“I could take you with me? No strings attached.” He smiled at her invitingly, but Roxie knew there were always strings attached. Of some kind.

“No, I’ve got things to sort out here before I take off for a week.” She shook her head with regret but knew it was for the best. A trip like that would only cause her more problems in the end.