Page 15 of Dancing With Guilt

Roxie knew her life was like a train wreck sometimes and she knew trouble seemed to follow her, but this was just too much. After Lincoln’s kidnapping, she’d thought smooth sailing was on the horizon. He’d come home and everything had been so damned good.

Then he left the next morning and she landed right back on that train speeding towards disaster. Only, she had no idea this disaster would wreck more than just her life. Lily would be ripped from the only home she’d ever known to live with a man she’d never known. And poor Aunt Katie, this would break her heart. She loved Lily like her own, and if Roxie asked to finally have Lily come live with her, a goal she’d wanted for a long time, Aunt Katie would follow right along behind.

That would be fine. But this?

Roxie’s eyes opened, the blue a dark, stormy color, rimmed in red. What was she supposed to do now?

Give him time to cool off, she decided, and went back in to sit on the couch. Tomorrow, when he’d hopefully come to his senses, they’d work this out and everything would go back to normal. Right?

But what if it didn’t?

The way he’d snarled at her pretty much told her there’d be no contact for a while. She needed her things from his place, but that could wait. Roxie was certain that one of the PAs would contact her about it at some point, but for now, she’d have to find something to sleep in and some personal products.

Picking up her bag, Roxie headed out for the nearest mall and bought some cheap pajamas, a few pairs of panties, some jeans, shorts, and t-shirts, and the products she needed to be clean and tidy, at least. She picked up a few groceries since the hamburger and fries were now stone-cold back at the condo and headed out.

Once she’d made herself a salad and eaten something, there wasn’t much to do. As much as she didn’t like to be around electronics, she’d gotten used to them while she was at Lincoln’s. She turned on Netflix, filling the screen with thousands of choices. She settled on a series about female killers and watched it for a while, but her thoughts soon drifted away. Curled up on her right side, facing the television, Roxie thought about the things Lincoln had said.

Yes, she should have told him about his daughter sooner, but finding out she was pregnant had been terrifying at the time. There’d been no doubt she’d keep the baby, but how the hell had one night been enough? She’d been really naïve back then, and stupid too, it would seem.

Instead of calling Lincoln, she reached out to Aunt Katie. Aunt Katie hadn’t asked too many questions, she’d just taken her in and given her a home after the most devastating event of her life.

Maybe she should have called Lincoln when it was time to give birth, but by then she’d put everything in the past behind her to focus on having a baby. She promised herself she’d tell him after the baby came, but by then she’d changed her mind again.

She chose Lily’s safety over Lincoln’s rights, and that’s just how it had been. Yeah, maybe he could have taken care of them all, but he’d been trying to earn a degree. Roxie was sure his stepfather would have helped him take care of her and the baby, but there was also the fact that Roxie hated Lincoln.

Or did she?

She’d never imagined he could be as gentle as he’d been that night. She’d never dreamed it would feel so good to kiss him either. And part of her remembered that long after she should have forgotten him. There’d been dreams that tortured her, when there weren’t nightmares. Dreams of being with him, of leaving him behind again, of losing her daughter in the mix.

It had taken her years to come to terms with her decisions, and then Lincoln came back into her life. Maybe she should have told him right away, but the time never seemed to be right. How was she supposed to just drop that on him?

Oh, you remember ten years ago when we had sex that one night? Well, we made a baby and she’s nine years old now. And she doesn’t live with me. Want to meet her?

That wouldn’t have gone down well, but it might have been better than how he’d found out. Nathan’s rummaging through all of her things looking for that watch had revealed a truth she’d tried to hide from everyone here in South Carolina. It wasn’t right that he’d tried to sell that information to Lincoln either, but he had.

Roxie really hoped Nathan spent every last second of his life in prison. You could only forgive an addict for so much, and Nathan had used up all the forgiveness she had a long time ago. She’d kick him right in the balls if he was in front of her right now.

Frustrated beyond belief, angry but powerless to do anything about it, Roxie got up and went to the kitchen counter. Peach gummy worms taunted her from a bag there. She glared at the treats and went into the bedroom to change into a pair of black pajamas before she snatched the bag up to take to the couch with her.

Gnawing on the treats didn’t bring any kind of clarity to her, and certainly didn’t send any answers her way, but they did distract her with each yummy bite. Until she remembered how she’d chewed through a bag of them the night her parents died. As well as all of the other stressful moments of her life.

What she needed was answers, but there’d be no answers coming her way that night. Lincoln was royally pissed, angrier than she’d ever seen him, in fact. That was her own fault, she had to admit responsibility for it. If this broke them, after everything they’d already been through, she understood that.

But did that mean he had to take her daughter from her for good? Because that’s what Lincoln meant. He wanted full custody of his daughter, and Roxie wouldn’t have any rights to see her at all. Turnabout might be fair play, but she hadn’t kept Lily from Lincoln to be malicious. She’d done it to protect them all.

It was doubtful she’d ever make him see that, though. He was so angry when she left, she knew he probably wouldn’t cool off for a long time. Roxie chewed on her last gummy worm and stared at the television blankly. A woman on the screen was accused of killing her husband after she found out he was having an affair, but Roxie didn’t hear any of it. Her thoughts were caught up on just how hopeless this situation was.

She could call June, explain things, and see if her friend hated her too. After all, Lily was June’s niece.

Probably not the best idea.

Wendy? No, she’d been really busy lately.

Keily?

Would the former beauty queen offer to help her, or would she judge her for leaving her daughter with someone else? Roxie wasn’t sure that would happen but moved on anyway.

Emily?