Page 24 of Rough Trip

Sage took her hands and intertwined his fingers with hers.

"I'm so glad you feel the same way. Everything has been so messed up, and I couldn't stand it any longer. I knew I had to tell you just how I felt before I ran the risk of losing you for good. I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I was only trying to protect you,” he said with a sad expression on his beautiful face.

" Shh, it's alright. I can understand where you were coming from so we can only work on a better future for the two of us,” Mia replied as she gently brushed her fingers across his cheek, feeling his freshly shaven face beneath her fingers.

Sage kissed her softly on her lips, and a smile broke across her face. Her heart felt like it could leave her chest.

She slept that night with a smile on her face, completely captivated by her dream and how real it felt. Mia continued to sleep peacefully, slipping in and out of different dreams that all had Sage in them.

It was 5 years later. Mia was sitting on a porch swing in the middle of winter. She had a scarf wrapped around her neck, gloves placed tight on her hands, and she had winter boots on that had thick woolen socks underneath. She was gently swinging back and forth as she sat quite still on the swing. Her arms were wrapped around her body, trying to keep the cold in and although she had slowly started to freeze she couldn’t get herself to move. The garden that lay before her was so mesmerizing she could stare at it all day.

“Honey, what are you doing outside? It's freezing!” a voice said from behind her. She turned around and laid her eyes upon Sage. He looked even better than he did five years ago, she thought.

“I’m just taking in the view,” she replied as she pointed to the snow-covered garden, “Isn’t it beautiful?” she asked.

“Why, yes, it is beautiful, but your beautiful little nose is going to freeze and fall off of your face soon!” he exclaimed. She laughed. He would always remind her of her beauty even when she felt like she was constantly looking at a demi-god whenever she looked at him.

“Oh hush,” she said as she waved a hand at him, dismissing his compliment.

“Will you come sit with me for a while before we head inside?” she asked him. A smile grew across his face.

“Me? Sit next to a Queen?” he asked with a wink. She laughed again. The one thing she had loved about him was his constant sense of humor that always brought a smile to her face no matter what mood she was in.

“Yes, a King does tend to take his place next to his Queen,” she replied playfully.

He sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She leaned her head and nested it in the hollow of his neck, and the two of them sat quietly outside in the winter cold staring at the snow-covered garden.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” she asked again.

“Yes, my dear. It most certainly is,” he replied.

Mia had woken up disappointed. Not only had she dreamt of Sage, but the dream had left a sore pang in her chest. It had felt so real that when she woke up, she half expected Sage to be in bed next to her, but sadly she was alone, again. Even after the night before she couldn’t shake the need and want she had for him. She just wanted to know if he felt the same way at all. The dream left a longing in her chest. She longed for Sage in a way that was stronger than she had before.

She knew Sage didn't love her and he probably hadn’t even pictured a future with her. She hated that it was possible for her to love him regardless. He had hurt her, but she still couldn't stop herself from feeling the way she did. She hated herself for it. When had she become so weak, she had to ask herself. She had always been a strong person when it came to men so she couldn’t understand what it was about Sage; she just couldn’t get over him. She had tried to look after him, and he never showed her any gratitude. He seemed to ignore her any chance he got, and to Mia, she just couldn’t understand why she’d want someone like that. She knew she deserved better and any woman would agree with her and yet she still found herself wanting and needing Sage. As much as she told herself to feel otherwise, she could not. Her mind and heart were apparently completely consumed by him.

She wished the situation weren’t so damned hard, but she knew she couldn’t get everything she wished for. She wanted to bury herself in her bed. Staying there would definitely not make the situation easier because it would still be there when she got up, but it meant she wouldn’t have to face anyone, especially Sage. She wasn’t sure she could face him after the night before and especially after her dream. It had left her in a state of embarrassment because even after everything he had done to her she still dreamt of him, and she wanted that dream to be so much more than just a dream. She felt betrayed by herself for wanting him. How could she want a man who showed her no respect, who constantly made her feel less of herself?

When she was growing up, she pictured the man she would end up with, not by his looks but by his character and by what she had seen. She knew she wanted a man who would always be there for her no matter what, who wanted to be there for her when she got confused about life so they could work through it together and come out better together as well as individuals. She wanted a man who would love her despite all her flaws. She wanted someone who could see straight through them and think of them as things that made her who she was rather than used them against her to make her feel less than worthy. She wanted a man who she could see herself having children with, someone who would be there for them no matter what. And when she had first met Sage, she thought it would be him. He was so kind and gentle with her in the beginning, treating her with respect and compassion. She thought back to the night she had shared her life story with him. He had been a completely different person back then and she couldn’t help but wish that the person she had met back then would come back now because the person he had become wasn’t the man she had met and she knew it.

Although Sage has been avoiding her, Mia had always been able to tell when he had been home because she had taken on the responsibility of cleaning up around the house. After all, it was mostly Mia who would actually eat at the house, alone, while Sage was out at work. When she cooked the first night he didn't come home for dinner. She had made extra for him, so at least he wouldn't starve, but she noticed he hadn't bothered eating it, so she threw it away and didn't bother cooking for him again. She was trying to make the living situation easier for both of them, making sure that he was still eating properly, but he made her feel like her efforts were pointless.

He had almost completely changed toward her. He had always tried to keep his distance and she knew that but avoiding and ignoring her on a day to day basis was taking it a little too far. How could he just switch off completely toward her, she thought. Had there been an alien invasion she didn’t know about, had he been switched during the day and she had been left with a heartless creature instead of the man she thought she knew? It was highly unlikely, but she preferred to think it possible just to make herself feel a little better about the situation at hand. She remembered that he had been in the army so it was possible for him to remove himself emotionally at a whim. Having a history like that, she knew he would be able to switch off, but she found it hard to believe considering it had come out of nowhere.

She would start her day by making her bed, and on that day she decided to change her sheets as well so when she went to bed in the evening she could sleep on fresh sheets and picture it as a clean place to place her head while she slept. She wouldn’t say she was spiritual but she did believe that bad energy and bad feelings could linger in items of clothing and linen. After she was done changing her sheets and making her bed, she headed for the shower. She put the radio on in the background with some nice, upbeat music to keep her in a good mood. Today would be a good day she told herself. She always felt like she could be more productive if she showered before she started her day properly. She then headed to the kitchen after she had finished getting ready, she would usually clean up any mess in the kitchen left by Sage when he made himself coffee before heading out for the day. He wouldn't eat her food but he sure as hell didn't care that she had to clean up after him. Sometimes she noticed that he wouldn’t make coffee so it wasn’t unusual to see the kitchen clean and so when Mia entered the clean kitchen she didn’t think anything of it and proceeded to make herself breakfast. Growing up, her mother had always told her that breakfast was the most important meal of the day, and so she had always continued to start her day with a full and healthy breakfast.

“You have to remember, Mia, your body has been asleep for 8 hours or so and it’s very important for you to have breakfast when you wake up in the morning. Your body needs it to function. It's like you’ve been a bear in hibernation, and obviously, the first thing they do when they wake up is eat and so should you!” her mother told her as she handed her a plate filled with pancakes, fruit, and bacon.

“But I’m not a bear, mother, I’m an ordinary human who doesn’t always feel hungry in the morning,” Mia had stated as she stared at the huge plate of food before her. She had no idea how she could finish it all, but she knew her mother wouldn’t let her leave the table if she didn’t, even if it meant she would be late for school.

“You may not feel hungry, but you need to eat,” her mother said as she eyed her from across the table. She picked up her coffee and took a sip. She also would not leave the table until Mia was done. She was trapped and had to eat; she didn’t have any other choice.

“Yes, mother, I know,” Mia replied with a roll of her eyes as she picked up her knife and fork and slowly started to tackle the plate that had been placed in front of her. She would deny it to anyone who asked, but the minute she got a piece of fruit or pancake in her mouth, she would salivate, and she’d realize that she was, in fact, hungry after all.

Her mother harped on with just about anything. ‘You need to do this, and you need to do that,’ she would say. Constantly drilling things into Mia's head over the years. It was honestly no wonder despite everything else Mia wanted to leave her home at such a young age. Her parents drove her mad when it came to just about anything.

Although Mia loved her mother, she had always hated how much she would try to control her because, even after all the years, there were still things Mia had to do because she didn’t know how not to do them due to her mother's constant instruction. She supposed it had definitely made her house trained. She had learned a lot from her mother about housekeeping too, and she should be grateful for that.

That morning she made herself scrambled eggs on toast with bacon and a cup of coffee. She sat at the dining table by herself and slowly ate her breakfast. Although she had woken up with a pang of disappointment, she was glad that most of the sadness from the night before had left her mind and her heart. She could possibly face the day and be alright. She had left the music on from her bedroom, and she could softly hear it traveling throughout the house. She could feel herself getting lighter and lighter, ready to face whatever the day brought her way. She slowly started to hum along to the music while she ate, feeling the positive vibrations travel through her body. She would have started dancing if she had allowed herself, but she knew she should take it easy since it was only the morning. She continued to sit at the dining room table just a little bit longer before she decided to get on with her day. She wanted to make sure her food had settled in her stomach for a bit before she became too active. She always knew the importance of allowing a meal to settle first so the body could start digesting it before moving too much. She had suffered from a lot of stomach problems growing up because she was always too quick to move after eating.