Page 21 of Bad Star
Now Jack was holding the backs of her thighs, forcing them upwards so that he could reach further into her. His movements were becoming more fevered and she could feel his breathing, powerful like an engine. He was slamming his body into her now, harder and harder and she wasn’t sure how much more she could take. He plunged into her like a mad man: like a man who had nothing left to live for. Their movement built towards an inevitable crescendo and she rushed towards it gratefully. The pressure inside her built like a silent scream. All his muscles seemed to give way at once, as did hers; everything that was tensed turned to warm jelly. Inside, Rainn felt as if a pane of glass had been shattered into a million pieces.
They lay on the carpet for a long time listening to each other’s breathing. Then it came upon them, the slow realization that what they had done was not compatible with the people they were outside the moment.
The conversation was stilted and both of them felt awkward. Neither wanted to stay in the place where it had happened.
Jack went to the bathroom while Rainn gathered her things. He washed his face. He knew what he had to do.
“I have a girlfriend,” he said “and I don’t think I can leave her.”
He waited to see what Rainn would say. She said nothing.
“I have feelings for you, but I hate to do this with you when I know it’s not right.”
“No,” said Rainn, calmly. “You should not.”
Jack watched her carefully, he could see the emotion she tried to contain betrayed by the slight shaking of her shoulders.
“That’s the way it is,” he said, firmly and with no hint of emotion. “I’m sorry,” he said again.
“There’s no need to apologize,” said Rainn. “There’s no need to say any more. Please don’t come with me. I will see myself out. The only way from here is down.”
Jack opened the door for her and watched her as she lightly touched her fingers against the walls of the corridor, striding purposefully to the lift. He was relieved that she had not seen the tears he had been crying.
