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Because Cosmer is already going back down the ladder. Already returning to the thing that has his heart now that I certainly don’t.

I wish I had been lost in the airlock. At least I would have died happy. Died knowing I still had someone who loved me.

I can almost hear the Sisters laughing.

You thought you could cheat us?

Cosmer hops off the last couple of steps of the ladder and spins around. It reminds me of how he’d spun out from his ship when we’d first arrived onto The Emperor. Taken a bow.

He does no such thing now.

“Why are you still here? Leave.”

“Are you positive you want to end our relationship, Cosmer?” I ask, my voice faint. “This isn’t just the osimidite?”

“I’m more certain than I’ve been of anything.” He laughs an osimidite-fuelled laugh again. “Because who would I be, Ara? To stand in the way of you marrying a prince? Stand in the way of the fucking stars?” He waves his hands over his head. “I don’t even believe in gods, but they sure as hell seem to be trying to tell me something. It’s over,” he says again. “Now, leave.”

I breathe in and out, deeply. The way I did for Drake, for the oxygen he gave me. Except now, I do it for Cosmer, and the pain I want to take from him.

The osimidite is flooding me. My heart rate slows.

“If we’re no longer together,” I begin, slowly. “Then I won’t feel bad for playing you,” – the phrase physically disgusts me – “one more time.”

He frowns. “What?”

My hands are fists.

In my periphery, sparks of my magic are dancing among the particles of gas.

I can’t outrightly end his addiction.

But I can still help him.

I sound heartless as I say, “You’re going to go to the infirmary now. You will tell the medic you are an osimidite addict⁠—”

“No,” he says, shaking his head hard. “I just said, no more magic⁠—”

“You will beg for her help,” I say, over him. “You will insist she keeps you locked in. You will accept whatever help she gives you⁠—”

“I don’t want to do that. I’m happy down here⁠—”

“You will be kind to her. You will work at getting yourself clean, and staying clean, every day, and every night. Even when we arrive in Rhavna. Even when you are lonely. Even when life is difficult.”

Cosmer is gawking at me, motionless now. The magic is holding him in place.

Softer, a single tear sliding down my cheek, I say, “I can’t make you hate osimidite. But I can make you love sobriety. And that’s what I want you to do. You will chase it. You will look at it like you do the sky. You will think of it the way you once thought of me.”

I take another breath.

Close my eyes.

And wait.

The familiar click sounds out in the back of my mind.

Opening my eyes, I see he’s swaying again.

He isn’t angry. Just disappointed.