Page 138 of Carousel

She corrects me. There has been no such thing, yet. The fortune was very clear.

“If war breaks out tomorrow, at least we’ll be free. With Eric.”

Old Mother is signing again.

Free doesn’t mean any safer.

“I don’t care. At least I’ll be as far away from the Queen of Hubris as possible.”

Do not call her that. She gave you a gift many only dream about.

“Yes. A gift I have yet to receive. From a husband I have yet to meet. A husband no one thinks exists. It’s almost like she’s given me exactly nothing.” I add, “Except these.” I show her my scarred arms. The scabs have fallen and the bruises have healed.

But these marks will never fade.

Tears fall down my face. In the dream, and in real life.

Old Mother hugs the me in the image, who sinks into her. Feels so safe.

And it’s almost like I’m there – I suppose, because once, I was. I can feel her willowy arms around me. The knit from her shawl. The fire warming our bones, as the smell of incense wafts over us.

I’m going to join them.

I grip the edges of the hole. The warmth of the room envelops my fingers. I lift my leg.

Try to jump up.

But the hole hurls me out, like I hit a solid wall, and the maze is peeling away. Soon, it’s gone completely.

The floor beneath me smells of polished wood. It’s hard. Warm.

I’m panting, staring up at the ceiling.

I’m in Meg’s cabin again. I must have, at some point, fallen off the bed.

She’s still holding my hand. I snatch it away from her.

“Why did you stop me?” I hiss. “I wanted to stay.”

“That’s why I had to get you out. You don’t want to get yourself locked in your own mind.”

She looms over me.

“What was that memory about, anyway? What husband? The Queen has no sons. Who were you promised to?”

I offer her my hand. “Let’s go again.”

But Meg’s lip curls, and she sits back on her thighs.

“While I’d love to dig deeper, I don’t think that’s a good idea. You seem distressed. We’ll have to try again tomorrow.”

“Please.”

She looks at me, softer than usual. “Memories can come back on their own. Just think it all through tonight. Maybe just doing that will unlock some more.”

The Soulmates.

The eerie notes from a tune on a flute float into my mind.