Page 101 of Carousel

She leads Cosmer back to his bed.

“I’m fine, Riss,” he says. “I swear.”

Wordlessly, she helps him take off his blazer and his shirt. Removes a belt that had been at his waist.

The belt that holds his radio.

She tucks it under his pillow – and just as she readjusts it, I get a glimpse of a thin strip of black fabric there.

Riss peels up the tightly made sheets and helps him get in.

“You idiot. You said you were off it,” she whispers to him.

“I am. I completely am. I’m happy now.”

“Just go to sleep.”

Drake looks at me, faintly smirking, as if to say, your task just became a whole lot easier.

But it’s like I could sink right through the floor.

Because for some reason, I think my task just became the opposite.

Once Drake and Riss have left, I change into my old dress, feeling relieved to get out of Riss’ one, which had begun feeling tight.

I crawl into my bed. Cosmer is already sleeping soundly.

Gradually, the sounds of voices and boots in the hallway outside die down.

Time passes.

Thoughts keep racing in my mind.

Taking Cosmer’s radio feels wrong. He was my friend, once.

But Drake is my friend, now.

And if the fate of our country, the country I’m loyal to, depends on him getting out a message, I should be happy to help him. Shouldn’t I?

I wait an hour. Maybe more.

Soon, I can stand it no longer. I get to work before I can change my mind again. I start off by rolling over, so I’m now facing Cosmer’s shadow. He’s turned away from me.

Very slowly, I use my forearms to push myself closer to him, once.

Then I do it again.

I’m by the narrow gap between our beds now.

He turns in his sleep – meaning he’s now facing me.

I stop dead. Wait.

He’s still sleeping. His breaths are long and deep.

Carefully, I grasp his bedframe. Using my arms to propel myself, I clamber over the gap to get myself onto his bed, the metal squeaking slightly. He doesn’t wake.

Right beside him, I stretch my arm out. Reach under his pillow.