Page 75 of Patrick

CHAPTER 21

FIFI

Before I can concentrate on my glam design project, I need to talk to the one person who will help me make sense of my conflicted feelings. My sister Carmela has been through this since she chose to be with Trick’s brother, Connor.

Most of all, I need her help to figure out how I truly feel about Trick. Am I falling for him, or is this all a massive heady crush that will fade away?

Her phone rings three, then four times, and I’m about to disconnect when I hear her rushed voice, like she’s out of breath.

“Sofia? How is everything?”

“Are you busy? Am I interrupting⁠—”

“Never mind that. Tell me if this is a good call or a bad call.”

I laugh and then realize I don’t know the answer to that. “I wish I knew. There’s good and bad, and that’s exactly what’s giving me stomach aches. Seriously, I think I’m losing weight.”

“I get it. Unfortunately, it’s all part of the love game.”

“It’s no game, Carmela.” I tell her about the problems with people on campus finding out about us, then Daniel Jennings finding out, about Vincent sucker-punching Trick, his concussion, the concussion, and then finally about my arrangement with Pammy to pretend she’s Trick’s girlfriend to distract Daniel and his family, and everyone from home discovering my relationship with him.

“That’s a lot,” she says, and I wait for more. “What exactly is your relationship with him?”

Boom. There it is. The exact problem at the bottom of all this heap that makes it so hard to handle everything else.

“I think if I knew for sure, then it would be easier to handle the problems. I think we would be ready to tell the truth to Mom and Dad and the Jennings. But as it is… I think we’re still in the exploratory stage. We need more time to know if what we have is worth blowing up our families.”

“I get it.”

“How will I know? How long will it take?” And how can I get Trick to talk about his feelings? That’s one question I can’t ask her. I’m afraid the answer is that I can’t make him talk any more than I can make him feel.

She doesn’t say anything for a beat, and now I know what they mean when they talk about your heart sinking. I feel like it’s bleeding out through my pink toenails.

“I don’t know how it’ll be for you, but you will know when it hits you. It’ll be obvious, a moment that makes you realize you can’t live without him.”

“I feel like I’m falling, and I’m afraid to land. Maybe I need to let myself go because I don’t have a lot of time.”

“You can buy more time if you keep doing what you’re doing, and it doesn’t feel too icky.”

“I already feel icky about the Pammy situation. She’s been really kind, helping out, but…”

“Don’t worry about that. Don’t say any more about that relationship to anyone. You’ve planted the seeds, and you can let people infer what they will. You—or Trick—don’t have to say any more to his family. You’re on campus doing your thing.”

“Okay. Maybe. I’d feel better not having to flat out lie to anyone, but it’s Pammy and Trick doing most of the lying. I’m the evil puppet-master who set it all up.”

She guffaws. “Trick set it up. You just ran with that ball. As long as family members don’t see you with him, you’ll be fine. Because if they do see you together, they’re going to know it’s genuine.”

“That’s the problem. Vincent has seen us together, and even though Trick brought Pammy in as a decoy, do you think he might still suspect?”

“I don’t know for sure, but I think Vincent automatically thinks the worst, especially when it comes to Patrick Jennings. You’ll have to be careful there. But on the positive side, your paths aren’t likely to cross again since B.C. isn’t playing UNH again this season.”

“True. Not until the playoffs, but by then, I think my relationship with Trick should be resolved. One way or another.”

“Don’t worry so much, Sof. I have a good feeling about you two.” Her words spark my confidence, boosting my hope.

“So you think I don’t need to worry about gossip from campus spilling over to home?”

“Hmmm. It could, so I’d minimize being seen together. Or better yet, confuse the gossips by having Trick be seen with Pammy in public—not necessarily on a date, but, you know… Has he ever been seen around campus with Pammy?”