Page 83 of Unscripted

I really did like Callum.

Not just as a friend; not as someone I was participating in a get-rich-quick scheme with.

No, I liked him liked him.

I gripped the edge of the kitchen counter, trying to steady myself against the whirlwind that was my brain at that current moment.

Having any kind of feelings about Callum was a can of worms I did not want to open, especially when we had come this far, but I couldn’t deny that at some point in the last week the feeling of seeing him as more had crept up on me.

Now that I voiced it to myself, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t realized it sooner.

I tried to shove it down the rest of the night. Tried to be engaging and present with the girls and the new boys. I chatted at the fire pit, played Truth or Dare with the group, did laps around the garden; all as if it was any other cocktail party on any other night.

Once the evening’s festivities were over, Ella, Chiara, and I chose to sleep outside in the garden instead of sharing a bed with a new boy. We schlepped a few extra duvet covers out and spread them across the daybeds, getting cozy and settling in for the night. For a while, I was able to get caught up in chatting with them about the day’s turn of events and what we thought about the new boys.

But girl talk eventually turned to the boys over in Chateau Desire, and then there was no escaping it. Thoughts of Callum flooded in as we wondered what they were doing and who the new girls were.

Even after our chatter died down and Chiara and Ella fell asleep, I couldn’t turn my brain off.

As I lay on the daybed looking up at the bright stars, there was nothing left to distract me from the jarring realization that I was actually developing feelings for Callum.

Real, non-reality television feelings.

I didn’t fall asleep for hours.

36

The first night of Chateau Desire proved to be the worst night of sleep I had gotten in my entire time in the villa.

I tossed and turned, thoughts of Callum and feelings and all the what ifs that came with the two keeping my brain wired for hours. The lumpy daybed didn’t help matters, and I only got a few hours of sleep at best. By the time producers instructed us to start the day, I was already exhausted and in no mood to socialize.

“You really miss Cal, don’t you?” Chiara asked me as we lay on the sun loungers. I had been about to doze off into what I had hoped would be a refreshing midday nap.

Now I had to talk about my feelings.

“I do,” I replied, breath catching in my throat as I said the words out loud. It had only been one night, twelve hours really, but the emotions I had been desperately trying to hold at bay were threatening to burst out.

Chiara must have heard it in my voice because she reached out and grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze.

Her kindness, coupled with my exhaustion, collapsed something inside of me, and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face.

“Oh, Pop,” she said, sitting up fully to face me.

I let go of her hand to wipe the tears away. I remained lying down but turned my head to face her.

“It’s so stupid,” I said, laughing through my emotions. “It’s not even been a full day.”

“Sometimes feelings can hit you out of nowhere.”

She was right about that.

“I’m fine. Really, I am. Just a weird day,” I reassured, giving her a smile.

What I didn’t want to admit, even to myself, was that it was more than just lack of sleep that had me out of whack. Being in the villa without Callum, even for a couple of hours, had thrown me off balance. Somewhere along the way he had become an essential part of the place, of my experience. It was more than just missing someone to make me a coffee in the morning or go for a chat with. He had engrained himself in the DNA of my daily life, and I kept catching myself searching for him across the yard or in the kitchen, only to remember that he wasn’t here. That he was in another villa entirely.

It was unsettling, to say the least.

“Fancy a swim?” Chiara asked, clearly trying to distract me.