Page 82 of Unscripted

Gemma pressed on. “I’m going to leave you all to get better acquainted. Have fun and I’ll see you on Sunday.”

She turned, sashaying away across the garden and back into the villa. Part of me wished she could take me with her.

It was silent for a moment, no one knowing quite what to do until the tall, blond guy at the end of the circle spoke up. “Well! Shall we kick this party off?”

The rest of the guys let out hoots of encouragement, Olivia and Samantha echoing them as well. We all stood then, exchanging hugs and making introductions.

It would most likely take me all night to remember everyone’s names, but collectively I knew they were Mike, Sam, Tom, Louis, and Greg. So far, they were all nice enough, but I couldn’t quite wrap my head around just how quickly the original boys had been taken out and the new guys slotted in. It was as if I had suddenly found myself in some kind of alternate universe where they were the ones we had been with over the past month.

The producers instructed us to chat with the new guys in small groups, so I floated from one conversation to the next with Chiara and Ella at my side. It felt like being back to week one, trying to find my footing while maintaining engaging small talk at the same time.

After what felt like hours of roundabout chatting, I excused myself to the kitchen to make a cup of tea and have a moment of peace. The kettle had just dinged when a voice sounded out behind me.

“Hiya,” it said. I turned to find one of the new Bellas standing before me. Was this Mike or Louis?

“Hi!” I said, racking my brain to remember which one he was. He didn’t seem to pick up on my mental hiccup.

“You alright?” he asked, coming to lean against the kitchen counter next to me.

“Yeah, all good. Just making some tea,” I replied.

“Sweet, sweet. Look, I just wanted to come over here for a bit of a chat, one on one,” he said, edging closer to me.My heart sank as he continued to lean in farther. I knew what this was, saw what he was doing. He was trying to get to know me and see if I would be worth pursuing. It was literally his only purpose in being in here, to find someone to match with. But I couldn’t risk any hint of a suggestion that the person he should be with was me. I needed to shut it down while I could.

“Oh, nice!” I said, trying to be cordial while also indicating with the high octave of my voice that I was very much not interested.

It didn’t work.

“I just wanted to say I think you’re absolutely smashing. Just bang on my type.”

“That’s so sweet.” Did I need to be more direct? My grasp on the situation was slipping away by the second.

“Would you be interested in getting to know me and seeing where things go?”

I suppressed a groan, swallowing it down and trying to keep the smile on my face in place. I would never even entertain the idea of picking him over Callum, but I felt bad rejecting someone when they had only been in the villa for a few hours.

Looking up at the guy whose name I still couldn’t remember, I was about to reply with a nicely worded, ambiguous answer that would make him feel okay without committing myself to anything real.

And then I looked into his eyes, and my response died on my tongue.

I didn’t want to get to know him. Not for the cameras or because that’s what we were supposed to do during Chateau Desire or to be nice.

I realized, with startling clarity, that I was tired of sparing other people’s feelings at the expense of my own. It had been a pattern in my past, acquiescing to what others wanted to make life easier; not to rock the boat or cause conflict or take up more space in the world than I believed I should have. I took the back seat time and time again. For old bosses. For my ex. For anyone and everyone who had ever needed anything, big or small.

But now, standing in the outdoor kitchen while being recorded by no less than five hidden cameras, I realized I didn’t want to be that girl anymore.

“Look,” I started out, unsure of where I was going but confident in how the conversation would end. “You seem like a really nice guy. Honestly, you do.”

He smiled at me, but I could see the openness in his eyes begin to shutter as he caught on to what I was about to say.

“But I really like Callum, and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize our relationship.”

“No worries, mate,” Mike/Louis said. He was surprisingly upbeat for someone who had just been rejected. “Enjoy your cuppa,” he said and then walked off, heading into the garden and toward whoever was next on his list of potential connections.

Leaning back against the kitchen counter, I let out a breath. I had done it. I didn’t people please at the expense of myself and what I really wanted. It felt good. Heck, for such a small act it felt incredible.

As I sipped my tea, I let my mind wander to the other realization I had upon rejecting Mike/Louis; one that had the power to upend my situation in the villa.

I hadn’t lied.