Page 92 of Paradigm

“It’s still another three weeks. That means more than a month of my four months.”

“Yes.”

“Then, we would file the application?”

“Correct,” Violet replied.

“I swear, the moment I got fired, my brain got foggy. Does that make sense? Everything is happening all at once and so quickly, it’s like I can’t process it all. Please forgive me. So, after that month, it can take a minimum of two months if we don’t do the premium processing – which the lawyer doesn’t recommend, and I agree based on what you just told me.” Eline looked over and out the window. “That means if it only takes two months, I could be right up against my window, but it probably won’t be two months. In my own research, I read that on average, it’s three to four months, and that has me worried.”

“You might have to leave for a few months before you could come back, yes. At least, we’ll have the process going, and as soon as it’s approved, you could book your flight, or likely, Arlowe will want to do it for you the instant the approval comes in.” Violet chuckled.

“I don’t know about that,” she replied.

“Oh, please. You know the second she finds out, she’s booking you a flight.”

“Things are complicated with Arlowe right now,” she said. “She’s upset with me.”

“What? Why? Wait. Is that why she was sulking around the office yesterday and today?”

“I don’t know for sure, but I can imagine. She’s upset because I got a job offer, and it’s one I might take.”

Violet looked at her, confused.

“You got an offer, but you still need us to process your visa?”

“The office is in Holland, not here. My dad knew someone who needed someone like me. We talked, and he made a verbal offer. Then, he sent one in writing. He wants me to start at the beginning of the month, which isn’t that far away. Arlowe isn’t exactly happy about it.”

“I doubt she is,” Violet said softly. “So, you’d take this job, move back home, and return when you could?”

“That’s my hope. I’d make sure to find a replacement before I left him. I want to be professional, but I also need a job. I can do that search or help him interview remotely and not on company time, if you’re worried about that, but I don’t have a lot of money saved. As it is, I can only pay my rent next month.”

“You know you can move into the house, right? Hell, Stella and I would let you stay with us if you needed to, but Arlowe would happily offer her bedroom and the rest of the house, too, obviously.”

Eline gave her a soft smile and said, “I know. She has. And I appreciate it. I also know that there’s a little pride thing, as Arlowe calls it, but it’s more than that. When we met at school, it was perfect. It was magic and love, and I thought we’d have that again. We had the most amazing second first date, and she slept over and held me. We kissed, and I could see us kissing only each other forever, and I felt like it was finally happening how it was supposed to; without one of us having to leave the other. Then I go to work, and that all changes. This time, instead of Arlowe leaving, it’s me, and I know I could stay a few more months, move into her house, and have her pay for everything while we try to work on the visa. I could even try to work for the Dutch company from here, but I worry that might mess with my chance of getting the visa approved, so I’d merely be sitting around the house all day, waiting for my flight. We’re already stressed and under pressure. That wouldn’t get any easier until this is all settled. And I know she told you that she proposed. She tells you all everything.” Eline smiled again. “I love that she has friends like you. I’ve never had friends how you are all friends.”

“She said you told her no,” Violet noted.

“I did,” she admitted. “When she asks me in the future – and I hope it is still when, not if – I plan on saying yes, but it won’t be because she’s trying to keep me here. It’ll be because she loves me for who I am now and because she wants to take that step with me. She made some comment about flowers and music, but I don’t need any of that. I don’t need anything other than her. I never have. This whole time, she has either been at the front or the back of my mind constantly, but she’s always been in my heart, buried deep, embedded there, but also right there at the front, keeping me from loving anyone else how I once loved her. I told her not to contact me until I was ready, and I think it was the right decision at first, but I should’ve reached out. I should’ve told her that it was always her for me. Maybe things could’ve been different. Maybe I would’ve been her wife right now. Who knows? I might have even been pregnant or have had our child already. I never wanted to hurt her, but I can’t marry her yet. I want to one day, but not like this.”

“I understand,” Violet said. “I think she does, too.”

“But she didn’t tell you what happened between us the other night, and she tells you everything.”

“Everything except the stuff she buries so deep that I think she tells no one, or maybe only you,” Violet said. “She takes time to process stuff. You know that.”

“Time is something we never seem to have enough of.”

“I think that’s true for everyone in love.”

“But you and Stella aren’t on some timetable. Neither is Gabi and Sarai.”

“True, but I love Stella. I can’t imagine my life without her. I’m sure you’d hear the same thing from Sarai about Gabi. Anything could happen, I know, but let’s say we all live until we’re one hundred – it still wouldn’t be enough time. That’s how it feels.”

“I just want us to have a normal relationship where we can fall in love however we want, move in together whenever we want, get engaged, and get married the same way. I know that she does, too. She just doesn’t want me to have to leave first, and I understand that, but I think I should go, take this job, make some money, and wait for the visa to be approved. I’m going to miss her like crazy, but I’m hoping she’ll come for a visit. Honestly, I’d like her to see my parents again. I want them to see us together after all this time and see what I know has always been there. She’d have to want to do that, though.”

“She does,” Violet said. “I know she does.”

“I know she has to process first, but I have to sell my furniture and pack and leave soon. Will she be done with all that processing before then?”