Page 8 of The Square

The way it used to be.

And even though I miss Alec and there’s nothing that will keep me from finding him, I like this. I like how Christine and I make the perfect pair.

Time does that, I decide. It really does change things.

“Ahh,” Christine sighs. “I love it so much.”

I lean in and kiss her neck, allowing myself to enjoy her scent and her softness. She’s not often soft. Not anymore. So this is another sign that we’ve both gone back in time as we’ve moved forward over the past several months.

“Come on,” I say, taking her hand. “Let’s go inside.”

She smiles the whole night. The entire night is nothing but grins, and easy laughs, and a comfortable settling in to the newness of the next step in our journey.

We order the prettiest sushi. Dozens of rolls wrapped in seaweed, and cucumber, and filled with rice, and avocado, and tuna, and salmon. Some of them are works of art, almost too pretty to eat.

We laugh, and drink a little, and talk about the trip. Not the destination, just the journey. We talk about sails, and wind, and storms, and waves. We reminisce about other ocean crossings over wine and dessert, which is a pink guava mousse encased in a tiny, dark-chocolate cup.

I feel like we’re normal. Just two people in love.

And I don’t think I’ve ever had that feeling before. I didn’t think it’d ever be possible to feel normal.

Still, it’s just an illusion. I know this. The whole thing is a dream and tomorrow, when the salty mist of the sea hits us and the sun bakes the deck until it’s too hot to walk barefoot, we’ll have to put on shoes. We’ll have to put on sunglasses and hats. We’ll have to get out practical things like Chapstick and a few days from now we’ll be straining our eyes looking for land. Wishing for a real shower, and the stillness that comes from a bed not rocked by the motion of waves.

We’ll be over it.

We’ll be ready.

But we’re not there yet.

We still have tonight.

“Thank you,” Christine says as we slowly walk the length of the dock back to the boat. “I needed this more than I realized.”

“Which part?” I ask through a smile.

“All the parts. The new dress, the photo, the dinner, the drinks, the dessert…” She sighs. “I’d forgotten we used to live like this.”

I parse that last statement as I help her onto the yacht, totally getting her point but wanting to know more at the same time.

“Lived like this… as in you and me? Or lived like this with Alec?”

She turns her back to me, the wind picking up her hair as she stares out at the ocean. “Both, I guess.” She faces me again, soft smile on her serene face. “We’re gonna get him back.”

“I know,” I lie. I don’t even know if he’s still alive. Not really. The answers she came back with when she left me back in the Cook Islands weren’t definitive.

“But it’s OK to enjoy tonight, ya know?”

Oh.

I mean, that was my plan, but I didn’t know if she was thinking the same thing or if this was just a nice distraction.

She reaches for my tie, fingertips nimbly climbing the length of it until she gets to the knot and begins to loosen it away from my neck. She gazes up at me as she pulls it through my collar and drops it onto the nearby chair. She drags the jacket down my shoulders and drops that onto the chair as well.

It wasn’t that long ago that I’d have stopped her. I’d have insisted that this wasn’t what we are.

But it is what we are. This is who we are. A couple connected.

And I am gonna fuck her tonight.