Page 70 of Angels Fall

And I think I showed Tyler something about me too. That I can forgive. That I can understand. And that I can be there for him the same way he’s just kinda being here for me.

His dad, God. What an asshole. But Tyler’s so strong. Not like me. If that’d been my dad—unable to see me standing right in front of him because we hadn’t talked in so long and life had changed me beyond recognition—well, let’s just say I wouldn’t have been able to put it behind me that same night. Let’s just say I wouldn’t have been able to accept the kindness of friends to help me do that. Let’s just say… I’d have let that little encounter derail me for months, if not years.

He’s not like me at all. And maybe I need that in my life? Someone who fills in all my vacant spaces. Someone who makes up for what I lack. Someone who gets me, doesn’t judge, and makes me better.

Someone who completes you, Angel says.

Yeah. Someone like that.

Raven comes into the little office, which is where I’ve been hiding since I changed into my jeans and t-shirt because Tyler should be here any minute now to take me out to the Hoover Dam project and do the drone work.

Maddie—this is me talking—he’s taking you to the Hoover Dam for sex, not the drone work.

Yeah… I think I know that. And once again, things that had me uptight and angry last week just don’t seem to rattle my chain like they used to. Sex with Tyler tonight sounds perfect, actually.

But date night aside, I really hope Tyler can fly my drone. Because I’m not all that good at it. And even though this whole drone thing is a long shot, I feel attached to it. The idea of it. Like somehow the drone is part of this whole healing process I think I’m going through. Symbolic or whatever. Wings. Flight. Freedom.

Which is a very naïve association, Devil says, back now, sans sandwich. Because Carlos is still after you. And Logan—

Yeah… that fucking Logan asshole. There’s a part of me that thinks he’s the real problem here, not Carlos. Like Carlos is a bad dude and all. And he’s definitely gonna kill me, or kidnap me, or something equally horrible if I don’t come up with a plan real quick. But Logan… he’s worse somehow. Evil. I can almost feel his wickedness—

“Maddie!”

I snap out of my thoughts and find Raven and another girl staring at me. “What? Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Jesus.” She sighs. “Your man is upstairs talking to Pete. So get outta here. I got business to do with—” She looks the new girl up and down, then says, “Rose?” Shakes her head. “Lola? No, I hated the last Lola. How about… Aspen?”

The new girl is wide-eyed and still. Like she’s got no idea what’s happening.

God, I kinda felt that way too when I first started. I wonder what her story is? Why she needs money? She looks too young to have a daycare bill. Maybe school? Maybe she’s paying her way through school?

“Aspen?” Raven snaps. All business—which translates to bitchy—just like she was with me that night I got hired. “You’re a grown-up. Use your words.”

“Sure,” she stammers. “Aspen. Whatever.”

Raven turns her back to newly-christened Aspen, and she’s smiling. Deviously. I squint at her, but she gives me a small shake of her head that says, Later, and forces her smile back down to a frown. “Well, have a good time tonight with Tyler.”

She’s been weirdly… nice to me lately. In fact, I’ve noticed she’s like this a lot. Meaning she’s mean and bitchy to everyone at first. Like your older sister who feels it’s her job to set you right when you wander off the straight and narrow. But once you get into the groove—like become part of Pete’s little stripper family or whatever—she’s kinda friendly. Comes off as just… protective.

“Thanks,” I say, meaning it. “It’s actually business and pleasure. But I think the business is actually pleasure too.”

Raven lets her smile loose again. She softens, just a little. And she looks younger all of a sudden. Not washed up at all, but just wise. “Go on, get out of here.”

I nod, pick up my backpack, sling it over my shoulder, and leave them to their own business.

Walking down the hallway towards the stairs to Pete’s office, I spy Candy working a group of guys. She just got promoted to Saturday nights. Couple girls just kinda disappeared over the last week, which is pretty common around here. And I’m the one who told Pete and Raven that Candy deserves a chance for weekend shifts.

It makes me feel good. I mean, I got her a better stripper job, not a career in banking. But it’s a chance she needed. She does have kids. And a huge daycare bill because she’s a single mom.

But it makes me feel sad too. I look around at this place—a place that’s kinda become like a second home to me over the past few months—and it suddenly feels… over. Candy moving up, the new girl… it’s like I had my shot and now I’m done. It’s their turn now.

That’s not rational, I know this. Carlos still thinks I owe him a shitload of money, but I know the truth. I know I don’t owe him that money. I know I’m right. I know I’ve been doing the best I can. I know that strippers are just people—struggling with past mistakes, or bad relationships—who have few options left.

So I sucked it up, came here, and made the most of my mediocre opportunity. Just like Candy’s doing.

I also know… I’m not the same person I was a few months ago when I started this job. My past came back to haunt me, for sure. But sometimes the scariest things are the ones you’re running from, not the reality they bring when they catch up to you.

I’m stronger today than I was yesterday because I think I might be able to let Scotty just…die his death and deal with it.