Page 93 of Fangs with Benefits

‘Molly…’ he starts, and he sounds so tired.

‘Hold on. Just—I’m falling in love with you,’ I blurt before he can say more in what feels awfully like a breakup. My chest is rising and falling as if I’ve been running.

This admission earns his attention, his eyes darting to mine.

‘I am,’ I tell him. ‘I have been for a while.’

Elijah’s eyes fall closed, jaw clenching shut, throat bobbing with a swallow. He doesn’t look happy about this admission. He looks like he’s mourning.

‘Please say it back,’ I whisper. ‘You feel it too, I know you do. I can see it in the way you look at me, the way you touch me.’

‘Molly…’

‘Say it, Elijah. Admit it,’ I plead.

‘Of course I do, of course, but that’s the problem, Molly.’ I can’t even be happy to hear this, not when he looks angry at the admission. ‘What’s wrong with loving me?’

‘Nothing, it’s–that’s not what this was supposed to be!’ he says, too loud, too emphatic. I wince and it’s like the slight movement wounds him. Elijah lowers his voice, but is no less stern. ‘Love was not in the agreement, Molly.’

For a moment, I’m rendered speechless, completely lost for words, mind scrambling over these words so inconsistent with the actions he’s shown me. ‘The night you bit me, last night when you came through my window.’ I list them like pieces of evidence. ‘Thanksgiving weekend, every time you’ve kissed me, every time you’ve stayed in my bed, wrapped around me while I sleep. You feel this, Elijah, I know you do.’

‘That’s why I can’t stay.’

‘Because you love me? Because I love you too?’

‘You’re human! I’m immortal and you have another eighty years on this Earth tops. You’ll die like every other human I’ve become too attached to.’

‘Stop,’ I try. ‘Just stop it, okay? Eighty years is a long time.’

Elijah huffs an exasperated breath.

‘I’m not going to stick around and watch you grow old and die without having any of the things you’ve always wanted,’ he says, practically shouting at me now.

I recoil at his meaning, picking apart his words and trying to make sense of them. ‘What I wanted? Elijah, things change, what if I want you? Want to be with you?’

‘You would accept half a life?’ he demands. It makes me feel off balance to see his face, usually so gently amused and happy, now twisted into this agonised determination. Determination to leave.

‘Is that so wrong? Wanting to spend my life with someone who loves me?’ I ask. I shake my head and reaffirm my resolve. Elijah is scared, he doesn’t mean this, he’s afraid, he’s been hurt before–fuck, the last time he was in love, he ended up alone in an abandoned castle for a century. ‘I want to be with you. I’m sure of it.’

‘The same way you were sure about Matt?’ he asks. He shuts his eyes, obviously regretting the words immediately. If cruelty is his intention, the words hit their mark, but he’s not winning this one, not when the thought of him leaving makes me realise I never want him to leave again.

‘Just talk to me,’ I say, begging.

Elijah stands and paces to the window, threads his fingers into his hair briefly, then returns to my side, picking up my hands in his as he does.

‘I can never grow old, Molly. I cannot give you normal, or comfortable. I can’t stay in the same place for more than a decade, and that’s pushing it. I can give you no children, no grandkids, no beach vacations, no days at the pool in the summer. All I can give you is nights, tables set for one and infinite immortal angst. And then, one day, after a miserable half-life with me, you’ll die and I’ll be alone. Again. I won’t do that to you, and I won’t do it to myself, either.’

‘And what if I was a vampire?’ I ask, the words sucking all the oxygen from the room. He goes completely still, not breathing, not blinking.

When he speaks, it’s so quiet. ‘Don’t say that.’

‘And why not? Would it really be so bad to have me forever?’

‘You would never have the life you’ve wanted, Molly–the life you have always wanted.’

‘I could have you!’ I hold his hands tighter so he can’t pull away from me. ‘There are worse things than a life of love and companionship.’

Elijah tugs his hands from mine and plants them firmly on my shoulders. I brace, knowing nothing I’ve said has moved him an inch towards convincing him to just stay, just try.