Page 4 of Fangs with Benefits

The buddy programme was instituted after too many employees complained that, at large, Drummond was shit at onboarding. I blame it on the severe lack of HR support at this massive company.

To combat these complaints, every new employee is assigned a buddy, which is just a seasoned sorry sap who–in our case–must show the newbie all the convoluted ropes of the ancient systems of Drummond’s on-site IT department.

A buddy isn’t a one-day role, either; it’s like a forever mentor. I still bother my original buddy for help on occasion, and I started here three years ago.

‘This is cruel. Literally evil behaviour. Whose decision was this?’ I protest.

‘Ryan referred you.’

I groan and do not suppress the eye roll this time. ‘Diabolical,’ Devi agrees. ‘First, this guy charms his way into your job, and now you have to teach him how to do it? I couldn’t make this up.’

‘Careful, your excitement at my torment is showing.’

Devi loves being a secretary for IT because she just processes incoming tickets, keeps tabs on the request inbox, and sometimes delivers new keyboards or mice when people need them. This leaves many hours a week for her to write all manner of salacious fanfiction on her work desktop. You wouldn’t expect it by looking at her with her soft pink outfits and silky, dark hair, not a strand out of place. She looks like she should be an influencer–one who doesn’t spend her work time writing stories about non-gay characters from popular film franchises doing very, very gay things.

Sometimes, when I’m bored, she lets me remote desktop into hers and read what she’s writing. She benefits from the aforementioned lack of HR purview.

She’s also obsessed with work drama like this. Eats it right up.

‘I really am sorry,’ Devi whispers, but the light behind her eyes tells she’s more amused than morose. ‘Hey, maybe you can teach him all the wrong things until he gets fired?’

‘You’re the least ethical person on the planet,’ I whisper back, and we both laugh.

‘Mol,’ Kenneth says over the side of my cubicle, his stupid knuckles rapping on the divider. As a nickname, Mol is great, but most days I loathe Kenneth, so when he says it, I hate it. ‘New guy today. You ready to teach him the ways?’

‘Not really.’

Kenneth is not my manager, nor even my superior. He’s been here longer than I have and does half as much work as me on a daily basis. Notably, he’s never been asked to be a buddy, and this will be my third newbie in three years.

In fact, most of the men on my team haven’t had more than one, which says something because they outnumber us women four to one.

‘Why? Are you offering to be his buddy instead? Might help your resumé,’ I say.

Kenneth laughs his stupid loud laugh that I’m forced to hear on the other side of my cubicle every day (not to mention the loud chewing of his gum when he’s working on a code deploy, or the constant clacking of the metal agitators in his blender bottles–Lord, I am afflicted.)

‘I’m good, I think you need socialisation,’ Kenneth says.

I do not withhold my glare from him, but he’s past withering under my ire. He winks at me, then turns a mega-watt smile on Devi. We both already know what he’s going to say.

‘Ms Devi, can you get me some coffee?’

‘Kyle,’ she starts, and I grin. She never calls him by his real name if she can help it. ‘If you’d broken both of your legs, I’d still tell you to get it yourself.’ She smiles, sweet as ever. ‘Good luck, Molly.’

She squeezes my shoulder before leaving me to my cubicle. Kenneth retreats, bored with me or off to journal about Devi being hot and mean to him, I don’t know.

I unpack my bag and boot up my computer, waiting until the very last minute to greet my new buddy.

An hour passes before my manager, Ryan, saunters into the office with a man hot on his heels. I can’t get a good look at him, but I can only imagine it’s the new guy, whom I already resent.

It would be one thing if it was someone from another department. Like, I think it might sting less than them bringing in some rando from another company. Also, I might be sexist, because I would definitely not feel this way if he was a woman.

Ryan introduces the man to Devi, and I’m certain she just charms the socks off him, as is her way. My eyes trail them as Ryan leads the way first down the hall with the meeting rooms, then the one that goes to our kitchen, and finally, to the empty private office with the new computer I got set up for him yesterday afternoon. It’s a damn nice laptop, too. Like mine, but newer and with more RAM, so he can run more apps simultaneously. Makes me sick.

I set it up with hate in my heart.

Before Ryan can come retrieve me, I stand from my desk and approach the office they’re in first, giving a light knock on the metal frame. The new guy notices me first. His face lights up with recognition.

And, oh Lord.