Page 84 of Rookie Moves

Grinning, I sit up and get to my feet, and hold a hand out to Tyler. “Will you come and take a shower with me?”

“I don’t know if I can go for round two just yet—you might need to give me at least an hour. I think you fucked me so hard, my brain is rebooting. If I was a Sims character, I’d probably have the buffering wheel above my head.”

“I didn’t mean for sex,” I snicker, giving his ass cheek a playful pinch. “We need to clean up and change the sheets before we fall asleep in it.”

Tyler takes my hand, and I help to pull him off the bed. He sways briefly, like his limbs are still waking up, but the smile he flashes has me feeling dizzy. It’s soft and warm, and there’s a glimmer in his eyes that I’ve only ever seen when my parents look at each other.

Like someone in love.

I swallow roughly, my mind running wild with possibilities.

Does he love me? Or is he falling for me, just like I’m falling for him?

We still haven’t spoken about what we’re doing, or what this is. The heavy reminder that the clock is ticking down until graduation has us wrapped up in each other at every opportunity.

There’s a little over a week left, and I know I need to take the risk and tell him how I feel, and how I dream about him being with me in whatever city I end up in.

Even if he doesn’t feel the same.

“Do you think he’ll be mad?” I ask, not taking my eyes off the stress ball I’m throwing into the air. I’m surrounded by about a hundred cushions, so I can’t see Stassie from where I’m lying on her bed.

“No, I don’t think so,” she says as the tapping of her keyboard stops. “If it’s something he used to enjoy doing, then maybe he just needs a nudge to remind him. Like, once he gets the taste and the happy, buzzy feels in his veins, he’ll realize there’s more to life than abiding by his rich daddy’s demands.”

I chew on the inside of my cheek, debating whether my idea is genius or stupid.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what Tyler said that night in the park when I asked him about what he would do if he could do anything. Then he came over a few days ago and played for me, and I knew I had to do something before it was too late.

I couldn’t let him go back to Arizona without making him see that he has a choice. That if he wants to pursue something in music, he can do it, and I’ll be there right beside him every step of the way.

Over the last few days, I’ve spent every waking moment that I haven’t been in class or with Tyler searching the internet for open mic nights near campus. I found a grand total of zero, so I widened my search and found one happening in Salem tomorrow night, and maybe it’s fate that it’s being held at a queer-friendly café/bar.

I haven’t mentioned any of this to him yet, but when I called them up and asked what the deal was, they said there wasn’t any need to preregister; you simply turn up and put your name down at the bar, and you’ll get a slot. That way, the choice is his. He can take it, or we can enjoy some live music before we head back here and pretend he isn’t graduating in a few days.

Nerves flutter in my stomach, and the ball lands on my chest with a quiet thump.

We still haven’t talked about what comes after, but with each day that passes, the bind connecting us gets tighter, and I know in my gut that I want tomorrow to be more than just reminding Tyler of what he enjoys.

I want us to be closer in a way we haven’t explored yet.

I want him to fuck me.

But apart from the times I’ve played with toys before Tyler kissed me into another dimension, I haven’t done anything. I’ve prepped Tyler plenty of times, but I don’t know what I need to do to be ready for him.

“What are you thinking so hard about, boo?” Stassie asks, her tone soft.

“I need to learn how to douche,” I say, then wince when I realize I’ve said it out loud instead of in my head.

Stassie coughs. “What?”

I sit up and toss the ball from hand to hand as I pin my gaze on the back of her door, my mind running a hundred miles an hour.

There’s gotta be websites with advice for this stuff, right? Maybe step-by-step guides. I haven’t got any more classes today, and I’m not seeing Tyler until later, so it gives me all the time I need to figure it out.

“I think I’m ready for Tyler to fuck me, which means I need to learn how to do all the stuff that comes with bottoming.”

My friend is silent for a beat longer than usual, and when I drag my gaze toward her, her eyes are comically wide. I’m not sure if she’s even breathing.

“Are you okay?” I ask, genuinely concerned.