Page 111 of Rookie Moves

“I was in fifth grade when the first article was published about me. I remember coming home from school, and my dad was on his laptop at the kitchen counter, and he placed his hands on my shoulders and said, ‘There’s two things I want you to remember. One, I want you to remember to always ignore the noise. Sometimes it’ll get really loud, and you won’t be able to ignore it, but you have to try your best. And two, if it ever stops being fun, you can stop. Promise me you’ll remember that?’” A small smile crosses my face, remembering the serious look in my dad’s eyes that day. “I didn’t know what he meant at the time, but over the years, it started to make sense. The pressure that comes with the unrealistic expectations that have been placed on my shoulders for me to carry. The scrutiny that comes with not meeting those expectations…”

My gaze drifts up to Beau. There’s a look of understanding on his face, and he gives me a small nod to continue.

“I’m worried that I’m not strong enough to cope with it all. I just want to play hockey. I’m not in it to make millions and buy five houses and a boat. I just want to play the game that I love…” My words trail off as my heart pounds in my ears.

Avoiding Beau’s gaze, I glance down at the table again, my jaw tensing before I quietly add, “I’m scared that whatever tonight brings, that love might be taken away from me, and I will lose who I am in the process.”

When Beau doesn’t say anything, I peek up at him, and his throat moves as he swallows.

“I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this, Colby. You shouldn’t be made to feel afraid for going after your dreams,” he says with a sad smile. “I wish I could tell you it’ll get better and easier, but I don’t know that. I mean, fuck, I wish people would leave me alone sometimes.”

He lets out a quiet laugh, and I laugh too.

“I didn’t have it as bad as you, but I still had a lot of people watching me. I’ve never really been someone who is online much, so it was easier for me to block that out as a kid, and during my rookie year, my captain took me in. I lived with him and his family for two years before I got my own place, and I think that helped a lot, because after a shit game or some shit article being posted, there were three little girls waiting for me who just wanted to braid my hair.” He smiles, and it lights up his eyes. “Do you know how hard it is to worry about what some random dude in Detroit thinks about you when you’re forced to play dress-up?”

Laughing, I can’t help but grin. “It sounds like you had a good network around you.”

He nods. “I did, and I’ve always had people around me to remind me that I was more than what the critics were saying. The noise will never go away, and like your dad said, sometimes it’ll get really loud, but you have to surround yourself with people who genuinely love and care for you. But finding those people is really hard. My circle is fucking tiny now compared to how it was when I was your age.”

Tyler comes rushing to the forefront of my mind, and how his love and support never wavered.

Even if my heart still feels bruised by his decision, I know, deep down, it wasn’t a case of him not loving me. He had to do this for himself, and I know he’ll be stronger because of it.

“You went to Whilton U, right?” Beau asks after a beat.

“Yeah, I just did a year.”

“Did you make any friends? Anyone you can lean on?”

A smile crosses my face as I think of Stassie and her fierce friendship, and Tyler, who became the best risk I’ve ever taken.

“Yeah, there’s a couple.”

“Keep them close,” Beau says, tapping two fingers on the table to emphasize his point. “You’ll eventually find a teammate or two who will become like brothers to you, but it’s important to have people outside as well. The ones who will keep you grounded and be a safe place for you to land.”

My mouth turns dry, and I lick over my lips as my breath shudders out of me.

Tyler is my safe place, whether it’s being wrapped up in his arms or seeing his smile from across the room. I’ve always been drawn to him, since the first time we met—a sense of comfort and longing, an instinct that he was always going to be more than just a teammate.

But will we be able to keep that hidden until I’m ready to share with the world?

Is it too much to ask of him to keep up the pretense that we’re just friends and old teammates when he’s so much more?

Tyler is everything to me.

He’s like the moon, and I’m the tide, an undeniable force neither of us could ignore.

I draw my gaze up to Beau’s, and he offers me a sad, understanding smile. Like he can see the silent battle I’m fighting.

Resting his elbows on the table, he shifts forward and lowers his voice. “I’m not going to lie and say things won’t get tough, because they will, but you’re an incredibly talented guy, okay? You’re, what, eighteen?”

“Nineteen,” I reply.

Beau smiles. “You’re nineteen, and you’ve achieved so much already, and you still have your entire life ahead of you. Don’t make yourself smaller to appease other people, and don’t give your energy to people who wouldn’t clap for you anyway.”

Biting on the inside of my cheek, I nod.

“There’s a bunch of assholes in this world who hate seeing people succeed, and it stems from an ugly place, but instead of using their jealousy to improve their lives, they try to drag others down to their level. Some of these reporters?”