Page 109 of Rookie Moves

Wiping my sweaty palms down the front of my pants, I push my chair back and round the cubicle to walk the short distance to his office.

I shake out my hands by my sides to get rid of my nerves, then take in a deep breath. Steeling my spine, I rap my knuckles on his door, then close my fingers around the door handle and push it open without waiting for his response.

I might be jumping into the shark tank, unsure if I’ll come out of the water unscathed, but it’s time to put myself first.

No matter the cost.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

COLBY

“Will you stop that?” Mom scolds, slapping my hand away from my mouth, where I’m gnawing on the side of my thumb. “You don’t need to be nervous; it’s going to be amazing.”

I wish I could believe her, but it isn’t the draft I’m worried about.

It’s what comes after.

The pressure. The lack of boundaries and invasion of privacy.

The knowing that every single thing I do is going to be put under a microscope and observed and scrutinized.

I’m ready to take the next step in my career, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for everything that comes with it, and that’s without the world knowing who I love.

During the scouting combine, I felt like I was suffocating. I know it’s supposed to be the most physically and mentally exhausting test you do as a player, but by the time the day was over, I could barely keep my eyes open. I lost every meal that I ate into the toilet or the trash can, and it wasn’t only because I was putting my body through rigorous exercises.

It was also because it felt more like an interrogation than an interview when it was time to sit in front of the media.

I couldn’t tell you what I said or what I was asked. I had to put every piece of media training I’ve ever learned into practice and hope I was going to get through to the other side.

And I did, but it still didn’t matter that I had come first in almost every category; people were still tearing me down.

My mom ended up confiscating my phone and refused to give it back until we got back home, but I had seen enough.

I knew it was only the beginning when those reporters stopped me after the Hockey East Championship.

I guess a naive part of me thought I was overreacting.

Boston was one of the first teams that interviewed me. They asked questions about my years playing junior hockey and the year I spent at Whilton U. How supportive my parents have been and cleverly worded questions to see whether my values met the ones of the organization.

Then they asked about how I handle the attention from the media that has been focused on me since I was a kid. I didn’t know what to say, because I couldn’t let them know that I wish it didn’t bother me.

It’s a sign of weakness, and the last thing I wanted was for anyone to believe that their words had an impact on me.

So, I simply shrugged and said that I ignore it.

Because I’m going to need to learn how to ignore it. I’m not going to have Tyler to protect me from lingering reporters when I play in the NHL. I’m not going to have the ability to slip out the back door and walk home unnoticed.

The spotlight is going to be wide open, highlighting every move I make and leaving nowhere to hide.

So when we arrived in Vancouver a few days ago, I downloaded Instagram again and took a shot at messaging Beau Rousseau to see if he would be open to meeting with me. He’s the only person I know of who has to deal with a similar level of scrutiny and would understand the fears I’m harboring, so if anyone has any advice on how to handle it, it’s him.

I wasn’t sure if he was going to respond, seeing as the Steelheads lost during Game 6 of the Finals, but he replied the following day, and now I’m waiting to go and meet him before I need to get ready for the draft this evening.

My phone buzzes on the table, and I pick it up so fast my dad chuckles beside me. The second I see it’s from Beau to say he’s here, I jump from the couch and make my way toward the door.

“I’m going to meet Beau,” I tell my mom as she fixes her hair in the bathroom.

“Okay, sweetie. Do you have a card key in case we need to go out for any reason?”