Page 8 of His Untoward Hate

Jude had never been to a party before. He had never been invited to parties, not even once in his entire life. Nonetheless, he preferred being alone in his room anyway—just clinging to his books, doing his assignments, and then taking naps in between. Besides, he had part-time jobs to think about, too. Jude had always been content on his own. The company of academic papers and the novels written by his favorite authors had always been enough to keep him happy. But still, this was the first time anyone had ever invited him to a party, and the fact that it was Jasper who asked made him think twice.

“Yeah, I know you’re not a party person,” Jasper said, snapping him away from his thoughts. “I think I can’t make it in the first place, either,” he chuckled slightly. “You know me, I’m not really into that kind of stuff as well. But they say it is fun to go out of our comfort zone sometimes,” he raised his brows together very quickly as he smiled.

That was a manly expression, Jude thought.

“I just thought of going because maybe we can hang out. How ‘bout going out for a movie this coming Sunday? Are you game with that?” Jasper offered out of the blue, leaving him in shock: his mouth fell agape as his eyes dilated and his nervous system seemed to pause at the sudden offer.

Did Jasper Granger, my ultimate crush since seventh grade, just ask me out? Is it really happening for real? Please wake me up if I’m just daydreaming. Jude thought incessantly in disbelief.

So, he’s gay? But he’s completely straight. No doubts. Does it mean it’s just a plain hangout? Nothing more than something? No special feelings? Thoughts keep bombarding in. He had a lot of questions going through his head. He could not keep up.

“I mean if you don’t want t—”

“I would love to, Jasper. What time?” Jude abruptly cut him off before he could change his mind.

Jasper smirked, and Jude’s heart sped up more as the feeling of warmth engulfed his core. He never had imagined in his lifetime that Jasper Granger would want to hang out with someone like him and even talk to him in public.

Jasper and Jude had a lot of things in common: being studious, hardworking, always chasing excellence, not to mention being outstanding in all classes, and having some similar hobbies were only a few of several qualities that made Jude think that they were meant for each other. He thought they were very compatible in many ways. This was why maybe his feelings for him only blossomed more and more over the years, and they only escalated to the highest peak with Jasper’s gesture today.

Jude had adored Jasper Granger very much in secret for over five years now; obsessed might be the right term. No matter what somebody might think about his crazy obsession with him, he would still be proud of himself for admiring someone outstanding in all aspects, someone without a hint of flaws. For Jude, Jasper was the only reason why he had something to look forward to in a day here in school. It was like he was the only light illuminating the darkness of this hell, and now, Jasper asking him to hang out with him made the butterflies in his stomach go blatantly insane, and his heart fluttered in dimensions he could not decipher.

I hope he also feels the same way, he thought to himself.

But in that fleeting, beautiful moment, Jude was abruptly pulled back to reality when someone slammed into his shoulder. The impact sent a sharp sting through his body, and he instinctively grabbed his eyeglasses to keep them from falling. When he looked up, he saw Julius and Kevin squeezing through the narrow space between him and Jasper, heading straight for the bulletin board.

Before he could fully recover, another, much harder force followed. This time, it was Sky. With deliberate force, Sky brushed past him, his shoulder crashing against Jude’s. Given Sky’s height and build, the impact nearly knocked Jude off his feet. He staggered, almost hitting the ground, but managed to steady himself at the last second. The pain this time was far worse, radiating through him.

“Are you okay?” Jasper asked, picking up Jude’s glasses and handing them back.

“Yeah…I’m okay,” Jude replied, forcing a smile as he quickly put his glasses back on.

Jude watched as they continued toward the bulletin board as if their names were listed there, too. Jude’s chest tightened with quiet humiliation. Slowly, he turned back to Jasper, only to find an unreadable expression on his face. Jasper slightly shook his head, and Jude seemed to hallucinate seeing the side of his lips tipped up into a smile.

4

The quiet joy that had settled within Jude refused to fade even as the bell rang for the start of their new subject this second final semester. Jude counted his lucky stars today so far when he found out that he and Jasper were in the same class in several subjects. The second semester came with a new set of courses and unfamiliar instructors, making the months ahead feel a little more exciting than usual.

As the class was waiting for the new teacher to arrive for Jude’s most anticipated subject, which was Practical Research, he found himself secretly staring at Jasper in silence, absentmindedly resting his chin on his palm. Jasper sat two rows in front of him, engrossed in a conversation with someone from his circle of friends. Jude could not help but see hearts dancing all around his head. Amidst the noise in the room, his attention was still focused on Jasper, but he never made it obvious so that no one would notice his ludicrous obsession.

The thought of the coming weekend lingered in his mind like a math equation he could not wait to solve. Jude was still in disbelief that Jasper had asked him out. He was already thinking of what to wear and making sure to set his alarm clock early. Perhaps he should also get his haircut done or buy a pair of new sneakers since he only had old ones. Thinking of the preparations for this coming Sunday filled him with great anticipation, and he could not wait for that day to finally come.

Jude snapped away from his imagination when the noises suddenly dropped, chairs were immediately arranged, and students began to take their seats. He straightened his back and agitatedly held his pen, expecting the teacher’s arrival. His eyes were averted to the front door, but no professor was coming in. He glanced over his shoulder in bewilderment, feeling the fluttering hearts that had filled him with happiness moments earlier crack and break apart. His chest tightened at the mere sight of Sky Granger already seated at the far end of the room, near the windowsill. His legs crossed, and his gaze fixed keenly on him.

Jude almost choked. He was caught off guard when he met his deadly eyes. Without another second, he turned his back immediately. In that glance, Jude noticed the bruises on Sky’s face. He stared aimlessly at his notebook, his heart sinking as the excitement he had been carrying all morning crumbled into bitter disappointment.

The realization hit him hard.

They were classmates again.

The last time they were in the same class was back in seventh and eighth grade, and his life in those years was on the verge of hell and death. The memories alone were enough to make his chest taut. He was about to cry again.

Lost in his thoughts, now filled with nothing but negativity, Jude failed to notice their teacher’s arrival until the entire class had already completely fallen silent. She was unfamiliar, clearly new to the school. She carried herself with a composed yet approachable presence. Judging by her youthful features and demeanor, he assumed she had only recently begun her teaching career. She was Asian. He could see it through her brown skin, epicanthic eye folds, low nasal bridge, and dark eyes. She had brunette hair with square eyeglasses that sat on the bridge of her not-so-pointed nose. She had a slender frame and stood at around five feet four. From her appearance alone, he could tell she was beautiful and youthful, likely still in her twenties.

Jude observed her place her bag on the chair before neatly laying her class record on the table. After that, she turned to look at the class with a beautiful, accustomed smile, curved on her thin lips with light pink lipstick drawn flawlessly.

“Good morning, everyone,” she greeted with a smile.

The response was sparse, with only a few voices answering back; Jude was one of them.