Page 21 of His Untoward Hate

And somehow, Jude felt like Jasper’s own was heavier. As he watched Jasper’s laughing, carefree expression, he could not help but feel sad. His eyes stayed on his face as he screamed through the ride. There was something in that sound, something unspoken that made Jude’s chest ache. Maybe it was just his imagination… or maybe it was not. Even so, everyone had problems in one way or another.

The wind rushed hard against their faces as they reached the peak, and in that moment, everything seemed to slow down even more. Jude found himself staring at Jasper, and Jasper looked back at him, as if the world had briefly paused around them.

For the past five years, he had been quietly, hopelessly drawn to him, and he did not regret a single moment of it. Jasper had been the one constant presence that kept him grounded through the chaos of his life.

This date, whatever it was, was exactly what Jude needed. A break from heartbreaks, from drama, from everything that felt suffocating. Even if it was just for a day, forgetting his problems was enough. This was what Jude needed, or maybe even for them both.

10

The road was empty. Streetlights and porches from typical colonial and Cape Cod houses illuminated the suburbs. A few of the crickets sang softly in the distance, and the sound of the cold breeze only disturbed the tranquility of the area. After all, it was quarter to four in the morning.

Wearing a black hoodie jacket, a pair of grey sweatpants, and a pair of black Adidas sneakers, Sky decided to go out for a run. Maybe this was all he needed for now. He could not fucking sleep, and his brain kept on disturbing him for no damn reason. Even if he was a little bit woozy, he could not get himself to sleep due to a lot of things running through his head.

As he was running, his mind drifted back to the scenario that had happened yesterday at the party. That fag was learning to drink, and he could not even contain it.

Who told him to drink? And why the hell did he even think of drinking in the first place? Who gave him permission, out of his innocent fucking face, to drink in front of me? Those questions stayed in his mind since yesterday, to the point that he barely slept. He even needed to carry him because he could not hold himself when people were staring and ogling at his posture, and the way he dressed drove him mad. Sky wanted to scold him or punch him right away to bring him back to his senses and tell him to go back to his shell and never come out.

It was the first time he had ever been that furious, his patience pushed to its absolute limit, and no matter how hard he tried to control himself, he felt completely helpless. When he carried him, he did not mind what people would think. He was so light, thin, and vulnerable. He kept on moving and whining in his grasp, but he was like a little puppy that could not move a huge wolf. A little twink and a bear.

The contact of his skin touching his bare arms and the feel of his small cock under his Doraemon boxer rubbed against his shoulder instantly washed his sanity away.

Bullshit! He tried to wash away the negative thoughts at the back of his mind that kept on haunting him these past twenty-four hours and decided to take a little rest as he sat on the huge broken mahogany beside Guio-ang Street. His legs felt weak under the weight of his thoughts, and sweat drenched his skin despite the cold air.

After the late-night conversation with his little brother, his chances of getting any sleep grew slimmer, and he could not understand why. His brother’s gay, but that was totally fine with him. But going out with Jude was totally not fine with him.

Not with Jude. Not with that faggot. Thinking about what had happened at the party made his chest tighten with a strange, peculiar feeling. He was completely aware yesterday that he had drunk quite a few glasses of alcohol, but he was not wasted. His body was tolerant of those liquids. However, he could not deny that the more than twenty shots of liquor affected him a little. But he was ninety-five percent sober as fuck. Sober enough to the point where he could still vividly remember those words that little faggot had thrown at him before he finally dozed off to sleep.

Why are you doing this to me? Sky sighed in frustration, gritting his teeth as he ran a hand through his hair in defeat.

Just as he remembered, he rummaged through his pocket for a pack of methamphetamine that he kept just in case things happened, and the threatening temptation quickly drooled over him. He felt like these past days were so fucked up. Things had gotten worse than ever. They needed to solve the problem of Julius first before dealing with this odd feeling recurring in his heart. This feeling had been there for the past five years, but he knew he had to put an end to it. He would never allow it to grow any further. If hurting him was the only way to stop it, then he would do whatever it took, even if it hurt him too. Even if the pain tore through him three times harder.

A few months from now, they would be graduating from senior high school, and they would be having their different lives and paths to take. Sky was not into medical courses, and he had no plans to go to college. The thought of not being able to keep his eyes on him anymore put him in hell. The endless possibilities and “what ifs” felt like they were driving him mad.

Fuck it! You’re just a little drunk, Sky. He reminded himself.

Without thinking clearly, he reached for the packet of methamphetamine in his pocket and used the substance. Within minutes, the weakness faded, replaced by a fleeting sense of relief and euphoria.

***

Two of the school’s most outstanding students would be having their little gay date today. Some people might find it cute, but for Sky, it was something bothersome and gross. He watched as his brother pulled out of the parking area using his truck that Sunday afternoon, well-dressed up, and pretending to be a firm top. He was going out with the fag, and he did not even get jealous a bit, in all honesty, because he knew his brother so well.

Why the fuck would I even think of getting jealous of my brother over that nerdy faggot? He blinked and sighed heavily. Just in time, a beep from Kevin’s Raptor snapped him out of his thoughts. He detached himself from the wall of his house and strode towards the car with his normal big strides. Sucking on the last one, he threw the cigarette before getting into the passenger seat of the car.

“Wazzuup, dude?” Kevin said his greeting.

Kevin threw a glance at Sky, and then they pulled off. Sky did not bother saying anything back. Slumping his back against the seat, he wrapped his hands around the headrest and watched the trees and houses fade in view as they passed by. He was wearing a loose gray tank top, with his bare armpits exposed, and a black cap. On the bottom, he wore a pair of worn-out, patched, ripped denim blue jeans and a pair of black slippers.

Sky tried to relax, but his brain would not cooperate.

“So, your brother’s going out on a date with the nerdy fag, huh?” Kevin asked a couple of minutes later, his mouth tipped up wryly.

“Shut up.”

Anger suddenly flared up in Sky for no apparent reason, causing Kevin to stop. He knew Sky well enough that even a single glare from him was enough to make him falter.

“Okay…Chill, man,” he apologized.

Sky was not in the fucking mood today.