Page 4 of Reins

After disappearing into his office, he comes back with a bottle of top shelf whiskey and two glasses. “You’re gonna need a drink for this one.”

He’s silent as he pours me three fingers and pushes it to me. “Go on.”

I don’t partake often, but if Pete thinks I need it…

Damn, it burns good.

“Okay, what is it?” I set my empty onto the oak table.

“Mason’s remarried too,” he says quietly, watching my face intently. “They have two little ones also.”

I feel as if I’ve been punched in the gut. That alcohol rolls into an acidic lump of bile rising in my throat.

“You’ve got to be joking?” I don’t want to believe it.

I want to suffer in the knowledge that everything I walked away from was because of the misery I caused. Am I still torturing myself despite him moving on?

It was my fault his wife was killed and I’ll never forgive myself for it. But she wasn’t the only one who died.

My fiance did too.

Ruefully, I stare down at the faceted crystal as if it’s to blame for my piss-poor decision almost thirteen years ago.

In a strange way, I’m glad Mason found love again. He deserves it.

And rightfully, I haven’t.

As the whiskey starts to burn through my limbs, I get the sinking feeling that I’m living like a ghost on the fringes.

Still paying penance for my sins, yet lingering due to unfinished business.

Maybe that’s why I’m here?

This is my chance to atone.

Chapter 3 - Cade

“I just wanted to wish you a happy Halloween.” Mom’s voice crackles through the speakers. “Your dad and I are staying with Mason for a while to, um, well, we missed the ranch.” She almost sounds like she’s trying to hurry off the line.

“I know he got remarried, Mom,” I sigh. I appreciate that she’s trying not to say anything. “And he has more kids. Are you there to see them?”

She’s silent for a long time. “You’ve never asked,” she whispers. “What changed?”

That makes me pause. Is it just because I didn’t expect him to move on?

Or is there a trace of jealousy over this new life he’s leading when I’m still stuck in the past?

But as I sit in this tiny mother-in-law’s apartment over Pete’s garage and stare down at the photos of the two dead men who were hired to run Black Gulch cows over a cliff, a part of me longs for the comfort and safety that family gives.

“I don’t know, Mom. It’s been a long time. Maybe I need to pull my head out of my ass and move on.” Running my palm over my face doesn’t erase the gory images I’m looking at.

“Don’t talk like that. Everyone deals with trauma differently. But if you ever decide to come visit, I’m sure Mason would welcome you.” She gives a small hum at the end.

It’s her tell when she’s lying. After all these years, she still can’t hide the truth.

My brother still hates me.

“Thanks, Ma. But I think keeping my distance is safest.” There hasn’t been enough time passed to make me forget the pain and anger in his voice during our last phone call.