Page 75 of Help Wanted

“Sure.”

“Why did you cheat on Mom? Was it worth it? All this misery afterward?” He’d been a senior in high school and hadn’t known why his mother was crying all the time. When Sidney had broken the news to him, his first instinct was to beat up his father. But his father had apologized to him. Told him he’d made a mistake. Back then Zane believed him, but now he wasn’t so sure. “Tell me the truth.”

Twin flumes of smoke exited his nostrils and he tilted his head to the side as if contemplating whether or not to answer. With a glance toward the door, his father nodded. “Yeah. It was worth it. Two reasons.”

Zane folded his arms across his chest, waiting to hear them.

“I never loved your mother. I knew it when I proposed to her, but she expected it. My parents expected it. Her parents expected it. I thought it was the right thing to do. It wasn’t. I didn’t love the woman I had the affair with either, but for a moment it was nice not to have to pretend. So, yeah, I’m glad it happened.”

He drew in another drag from his cigarette and put it out in the can he’d brought out with him.

“The other reason was it woke me up. I realized that while I don’t love your mother, I do love you kids, and that I came really close to losing everything I’d worked so hard for.”

“So you stay with mom because it’s easier?”

“Yeah. I know it’s pathetic and not fair to her. But she knows the truth and she’s not made any moves to change anything either. If she ever asked me for a divorce, I’d sign in a heartbeat and wish her the best, but she never asked. And she never loved me either.”

Zane shook his head, not sure if knowing this helped in any way.

“I know you hate it when I give you advice, and I realize the way I do it is all wrong, but the message is important. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t make you happy. I’ve never been in love so I don’t know what it should feel like, but I know what it shouldn’t be.”

That seemed reasonable.

“You shouldn’t have to hide who you really are. You shouldn’t be afraid of sharing every part of you. And you shouldn’t want to rip your own ears off when you hear their voice. Instead, I think you should be excited to see her, look forward to it even. You should laugh together. She should know you as well as you know yourself.”

“Mom knows you pretty well.”

“That is familiarity, not love. She hates everything she knows about me.”

Zane couldn’t argue. It did seem like that. “What are you going to do? You can’t live the rest of your life unhappy.”

“Are you sure about that?” his father asked, tapping out another cigarette and lighting it. “You’ve been doing it so far.”

Christ. His father was right.

* * *

The familiar smells of the subway greeted Kenley as she stepped off the train and headed up the stairs. She hadn’t missed the feeling of being crowded and jostled as she crested the surface of the earth into a new swarm of people on the street.

She hooked her thumbs in the straps of her bulging backpack and made her way to the building where she used to work.

Unwilling to go up, she waited for Alyssa on a bench outside. Alyssa’s roommate was going away for the weekend, so that left the loveseat in their tiny apartment up for grabs. Kenley had jumped at the opportunity to hang out with her friend and get away from her thoughts.

“You are not going to believe what happened today,” Alyssa said as soon as she saw her. She paused for a brief hug and then went on with the story. “Ruth was fired.”

“No way. Why?”

“Mr. Hasher’s stepson apparently wanted a job, and Mr. Hasher worked it out for him. Chuck didn’t want to be treated differently, so he asked Mr. Hasher not to tell anyone about the relationship. It turns out he ended up working for Ruth. She ended up propositioning him, and when he turned her down, she fired him.”

“Wow.” There was no other word to describe the mound of shit Ruth had unleashed upon herself.

“I bet you could get your old job back if you wanted it. Hell, maybe you could even get Ruth’s job. You were doing it anyway.”

Kenley felt dizzy for a moment. Move back to New York? Away from Zane?

“I don’t know.”

“Come on. You hated that you had to move home. And just two days ago you sent me this text.” Alyssa pulled out her phone and scrolled until she found the right one. “I can’t wait to come stay with you this weekend. This new job is sucking my will to live.”