Page 84 of Fallen Rook

“He’s not for me, Grams.”

“Why not?”

“Too complicated.” I smoothed a hand over my creaseless dark jeans. “Too young. Too…much.”

All of it was true, and still, I couldn’t find an ounce of relief in the fact that we were over. In fact, I’d spent the entire drive here using all my strength not to check his Instagram.

“Maybe it’s because he’s too much that you finally took interest in someone. Matt was so cautious to shrink himself in order to fit into your life. This new one sounds like he’s unapologetically himself.”

“There have been others, Grandmother,” I said primly.

“Others, yes. But no one you considered a relationship with.”

“Matt—” I started.

“Is gone.” She halted in the middle of the trail. “Has been for years. A darling man, sorely missed, but it is time you and Iris move on. She is making a conscious effort, and I’d like to see you try as well. Otherwise, you’d just bury yourself with more work, your destiny not much different from Matthew’s.”

“I didn’t kill myself,” I ground out. I was still so fucking mad at him for doing that.

And at myself, for letting it happen.

“You might as well have,” she huffed, with the same unrelenting fierceness she used to rear my father and five of his siblings on a teacher’s salary. “Do you call what you’re doing living?”

“Grams, you’re not listening,” I hissed through clenched teeth. “I told you he is not for me.”

“Yet you haven’t given me one good reason why.”

Okay. We were really doing this. Treating my deranged fling with the enforcer as something more.

Fine. Sure. I’d humor her.

“For one thing, he’s engaged.”

“Lovely,” she purred. “That means not married yet. Already, the starting point is better than yours and Matt’s.”

“He’s twenty-six.”

“Thank heavens! You need some zeal in your life.”

“He’s in the closet.”

“That’s not an incurable condition.” She clucked her tongue. “Even more reason to be by his side and show support.”

She was inexorable, not to mention maddening. Enzo and I made no sense at all. I was supposed to come here to get over him.

“Grandma, he’s…” A cold-blooded murderer. “Let’s just say if the bureau found out we’re seeing each other, getting transferred to Chicago would be the least of my worries. I’d get fired immediately and blacklisted from all reputable governmental bodies in the country.”

She considered my last words for a beat, perhaps finally realizing the graveness of the situation.

“Oh, all right, you convinced me.” She dipped her head, resuming our walk. “You’re doomed. Time to move on.”

“Really?” I raised a cynical brow, ready for another round of verbal sparring.

“Really!” She smiled innocently. “You have plenty of logical, common-sense reasons not to be with our mysterious engaged twenty-six-year-old. Clearly you’ve given it thought, and nothing, and no one, can stir you from your decision. Now, now, dear. What would you like for dinner? I’m thinking fresh lobster and cheese grits to mark the beginning of our wonderful week together.”

I eyed her in annoyance but dropped the subject.

This was what I wanted.