Page 165 of Fallen Rook

The silence sat between us, heavier with each passing moment.

“I understand,” he said quietly.

“Y-you do?”

“I do. But I need to know…is this goodbye for now, or is this goodbye forever?”

“For now.” A shot of terror impaled my chest. I nearly lost my courage to do this. I couldn’t think of a world without Tom in it. If he wasn’t willing to wait, then I could heal while we were together if I had to.

But I didn’t have to.

I was sure of it.

And that made me realize another truth. I had been blindly counting on him to wait for me while I worked on a better version of myself to offer him. That was how strong our bond was.

“Why?” I cleared my throat again, nervously.

“If it’s goodbye for now, I’ll walk out of here and nest for us, Enzo. Make sure everything is ready for when you come back to me. But if it’s goodbye forever…” He stared down at his feet, gathering the strength to push the words out. “Then I’d rather know now so I can cut my losses, take the Chicago position, and go back to the gray life I had before you. Get used to living in black and white again, instead of waiting for the next jolt of color.”

“I–I’m your color?”

“You’re my butterfly.” His cheekbones reddened. “Of course you are. And I miss smiling.”

“I thought I was a butterfly because metamorphosis.”

“You’re a butterfly for too many reasons to count, Enzo. All of them good.”

“I promise I’ll make you smile, still,” I said. “Even as I work on myself. Will you wait for me?”

A sad smile touched his lips. “I’ve waited for you my whole life. Before I even knew who you were.”

“And there’ll be no one else?” I felt my face heating.

He shook his head. “For you?”

“No,” I whispered. “Never, Tomcat.”

He didn’t ask how long I’d take. He knew I didn’t know the answer. And then we were drawn to each other like magnets, meeting halfway in the hallway, exploding in each other’s arms in a mess of desperate limbs. I sucked in a breath, the scent of him hitting the bottom of my lungs.

I couldn’t stop shaking. I clutched the nape of his neck, burying my face in his shoulder, and let the tears flow. I knew he would never judge me for crying, or for anything else. Besides, those were tears of relief.

I’d done it. I’d survived. I’d managed to be myself in a world that demanded I be someone else. Tom held me tightly, like he was squeezing all the pus out of me.

“Thank you for everything,” I whispered against his skin.

“Anytime, kid.” He stroked my hair gently, burying his nose inside it, breathing me in. “I’ll give up my everything a million times more if it means saving you.”

“Oh my God, you are Clark Kent.”

He laughed, pushing me off him. I flashed him a cocksure grin, glad to lighten the mood.

“It’s going to hurt not to see you every day.” He put his hand on my cheek.

“You’re just saying that because I’m irresistibly beautiful.”

“You are irresistibly beautiful,” he agreed. “But you won’t be that way forever. One day, you’ll wake up in a lived-in body. With wrinkles, and skin too soft, and a scar or two, and sunspots, and no ab definition.” I gave him a horrified look, but the heathen continued. “Your chiseled jawline will be hidden under saggy skin, and all that glossy hair will either fall out or turn gray, and you know what? I will still love you. I’ll love you even more, because I’ll have more memories of us together.”

I couldn’t help it. I grabbed his jaw, yanked him to me, and kissed him. Kissed him like the world was ending, with tongue and teeth and demanding sucks that produced moans from both of us. I hardened inside my slacks and could feel his cock growing thick against my thigh. I rolled my hips, seeking friction, a mounting surge of pleasure swirling inside me.