Page 17 of Until Ace

I look up and see her face marred with worry. I know I’m all over the place lately, bouncing between deep fear and total hysterics. Then I go right to the other end of the spectrum and daydream about a man I’ve laid my eyes on exactly two times while trying to keep up the façade that everything is normal. I’m fully aware I don’t fool anyone. Especially this group of ladies. And I know Beverly is taking this to heart.

She wants to help, but she can’t.

And I can’t tell her what’s going on.

If I did, she would do her best to help me. I know she would. I’ve seen her do it countless times. But this would put her in danger, and I have to do everything in my power to keep her safe.

To keep everyone safe.

Me included.

Not to mention, I know she would be disappointed in me. Everyone who met them or found out the extent of my family’s nastiness turned their back on me. But not before the disappointment and disgust shone brightly in their eyes when I last saw them. I can’t risk losing Beverly. She’s like a mother and a grandmother wrapped up in one. She always has advice when I need it, and even when I don’t. And she’s constantly cooking me delicious meals. Sure, she tries to play it off like she cooked more than she can eat by herself, and I might believe her if it weren’t for the hundreds of times she’s scolded me about my eating habits. Once I said I was always too tired to cook and takeout or a drive-thru was just easier, the meals started showing up at my door.

So, I stay silent.

As is her way though, Beverly takes my hand and urges, “Tell me.”

She knows I’m keeping secrets.

I can’t tell her.

I can’t tell anyone.

How could I possibly explain how I keep getting messages that are more and more vile by the hour?

That I am to pay a debt that’s not my own? That if I don’t, my family will get hurt?

And my brother.

How can I voice the fact that it’s my own brother who put me in this position?

Or the fact that I’m terrified the threats in those messages are going to become a reality?

The answer is obvious.

I can’t.

But seeing her getting more and more upset and concerned with every second I stay silent, I know I have to come up with something. Some reason that has me so on edge, so clumsy, so lost in my mind.

In my haste to come up with something, I don’t think it through and just blurt the first thing on my mind. “Ace came to my work today.”

“He did?” As much as she tries, she can’t hide the feeling that one simple sentence gave her. Her whole face lights up, a smile stretches her lips, and her eyes start to glint.

Oh God.

I know she wants the best for me, but to get this excited over the simple fact that her great nephew came to my place of work speaks volumes.

But I have to remain deaf to them.

It’s what’s best for everyone.

Only, I didn’t factor into the equation that it’s not just my heart I’ll be breaking, I will break Beverly’s too. A simple glance around the table is met with the same level of excitement and barely muted hope. I close my eyes and, in utter devastation, scratch four more names onto the board of people whose hearts I’ll break.

Damn.

“Yeah,” I sigh. I look everywhere but at the beaming faces that are around me.

“Shit, girl. Spit it out. What happened?”