Page 98 of SnowBound

“Thank you. Merry Christmas to you too.”

After the man left, I made my way inside and placed Alexi on his mat, then brought the box in. As guessed, Ellie’s name was written above the sender’s address.

For a quick second, when the man buzzed at the door, I wished it were my parents. Three weeks ago, I had sent them that letter with a picture of Alexi and me in Santa hats, that we took when we visited Santa at the mall, but I never heard back from them. At least the envelope didn’t bounce back, so I hoped they kept it and didn’t throw it in the garbage.

The letter had been my attempt at offering them an olive branch, longing for them to realize they made a mistake and decide they’d like to be part of our lives.

Up until now, total silence. No news. Nothing.

It felt as if I had died—or they had died—and our relationship never existed before.

After dropping the box on the kitchen table, I picked up my son and settled him in the crook of my elbow while I got a pair of scissors. Wrapped in red and green silk paper lay many Christmas-themed wagons and a railroad to assemble.

I opened the card.

Merry Christmas, you two

I wish I could be there with you to celebrate. I’ll try to fly in before the winter semester starts.

I found this at a garage sale and thought of you. The train works like a charm, and it can also play music. I believe Alexi—and you—will love it under your tree. It includes a tunnel you can put over a section of the railing so he’ll see it disappear and reappear seconds later. Kids love playing peek-a-boo. Don’t they? I think so.

I miss you guys.

Tom says hello.

Call me when you get it.

I love you, and I’m proud of you. And that Santa picture was amazing. I framed it, and it feels like you guys are here with me.

Ellie xxx

After we video chatted with Ellie and assembled the train, Alexi and I spent the rest of the day on the living room floor admiring the wagons coming in and out of the tunnel like my friend suggested.

When I put him to bed later, I squeezed in four hours of work before I called it a day and sat on my couch with a mug of hot chocolate and a movie, something I barely ever did nowadays due to my busy schedule.

No matter what I did tonight, the smile that had taken over my face earlier never washed away.

For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had my shit together. And it meant everything to me.

If only…

I chased the thought away as far as possible.

What-ifscould come to haunt me some other day.

Tonight, I wouldn’t let them affect my mood.