Page 92 of SnowBound

I sniffled. “O… O-okay.”

“That’s right.”

She comforted me through every procedure and exam I went through before being transported to the delivery room.

Bigger than a regular hospital room, it had a small glass crib next to a bed. A newborn station, consisting of a heated bassinet mounted under a heating lamp, was set in a corner, next to a rocking chair. The walls had been painted a soft shade of yellow. A colorful mural showing cartoon characters took over the wall opposite the window. A bunch of buttons, devices, and tubes were plugged behind the headrest of the bed. Stainless steel counters and cupboards occupied the fourth wall.

The room was inviting. Nothing like the one I’d imagined when I thought about this day. After changing into a steel-blue hospital gown and settling in bed with IV lines in my arm and a belt around my belly meant to register each contraction by sending a signal to some sort of graph printer, I relaxed a little. I switched my phone call with Ellie to video chat.

“How is it going?” she asked. From the dark circles under her eyes and her reddened cheeks, I would have thought she was the one about to give birth.

“I’m still freaked out. But now that I’m here, I feel a bit more relaxed.”

The doctor entered the room to check up on me. “At this rate, this baby will be born before dinner time.” He tapped my folded knee over the cover. “Hang in there, Abby. I’ll come back to check on you soon. In the meantime, try to catch some rest?”

I blinked. Fast. “Like sleep? How is that even possible?”

“Sleep or not, but please rest. You’ll soon need all the energy you can get. You’re doing great. The nurse will be with you in a minute.”

“Abby, he’s right,” Ellie chimed in. “Put me on the table next to the bed. I won’t go anywhere, I swear, but you need all your strength. I’ll watch over you.”

The next few hours were a mix of calm periods followed by great pain as if my insides were being torn apart. Over and over again.

I didn’t fall asleep, but in between contractions, I succeeded at closing my eyes. I hadn’t even started pushing yet, and already I was exhausted as if I’d run a marathon.

The doctor returned to examine me, and I was a bit out of it by then. My entire self felt foreign. As if it wasn’t my life I was living, but someone else’s.

“Ten centimeters. Fully dilated. We’ll modify the bed so you can start to push.”

That did the trick. I sprang into a semi-seated position. “No. No, no, no. I don’t want to.”

Jessie, the nurse who had been by my side all day, inched closer and took my hand in hers. “Abby, you can do this. We went through the whole procedure multiple times already.”

I swallowed. “No. It’s too soon. I’m not ready.”

“This baby is ready to come out,” the doctor said, offering me a comforting smile.

My gaze drifted to Ellie’s face on my phone screen, and she nodded. “We’re all here for you. It’s time.” Deep down, I wished she had told me I could wait longer.

The labor lasted for hours, but it felt like only ten minutes had passed when the doctor asked me to push and Jessie put my baby in the safety of my arms. “It’s a boy.” Wearing only a tiny blue hat, she positioned his naked body against my bare chest. “It will keep him warm. And the first skin contact is super important.”

I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move.

It all went down in the slowest motion possible.

I was a mother.

My mind had a hard time registering the information.

How did this happen? How did I create a human being?

His little fist curled around my finger when I caressed his tiny and delicate hand, and I made sure he had all his fingers and toes.

A wave of love, that I had no idea I possessed, washed through me.

My heart beat faster in my chest. Emotions I couldn’t contain anymore made me jittery.

This little human was my son. This tiny, pink-fleshed creature with dark hair was my baby. The one I carried around for the last thirty-eight weeks. The one Andy and I made together that night. He was here because of a snowstorm. And a bunch of silly challenges after the guy I found both mesmerizing and intriguing caught my eye.